When change is not welcome - Day 12 of 31 Days of Change

December 2010

December 2012

Happy 70th Birthday to my foster mum today. I am in a state of shock at how quickly this time has come around for her and for her husband. I am in a state of sadness that they are beginning to show signs of ageing that make me feel fearful of losing them.

As my regular readers know death has been with me, as for many others, since childhood. I lost my Mum when I was very young. In my teens, twenties and thirties I lost my very special Gran and my Dad and others. Then in my forties I lost my other very special Gran, and my foster Mum lost her very special Mum. That was only about two years ago.

Since that time I've noticed how quickly my FM and her husband have started to change.The time I thought we might have together after her own Mum died seems to be shrinking very rapidly. She is not as sharp as she once was. I feel that her short term memory is not what it was. I worry just a little at the back of my mind, mostly I try not to think about losing her and carry on as normal.

I am used to change, as we all are. I don't necessarily like it. I miss my Dad. I miss my two Grans. I miss others who have gone now. I miss the way my two families used to be. I sometimes think about my older sisters and about losing them. Life speeds on and the days pass. I tell myself that this weekend I will contact this special person or that.

The days speed by.

We all cope with whatever comes. We often don't like it. It takes us time to cope with changes that are forced upon us.

Tonight as we celebrate together, my eyes will drink in the faces of these people I love so much. My heart will be full of love. I will hug people tightly and say thank you that they are in my life and I am in theirs.