Freedom from hate: Barack Obama's memoir, It Get's Better and Equal Marriage

A few days ago I finished reading the memoir, "Dreams from my Father" by Barack Obama. What a joy that book is to read. The President writes with balance and wisdom, engaging his readers in the moving story about his early life and growth into adulthood. It is a gentle and compassionate look at himself as a young man, as he asks himself some tough questions about identity and belonging; about his country; and about his fellow human beings.

These words about his first experiences of visiting his father's family home in Kenya, leaped out at me from the page. They really brought home to me something of what it must be like to live in a society where you are different; in this case black in America. It also made me think about a place (that doesn't exist), or time, where different is ok. Thanks to shining lights in our world maybe that time and place is getting closer.

"I watched these nimble hands stitch and cut and weave, and listened to the old woman's voice roll over the sounds of work and barter, and for a moment the world seemed entirely transparent, I began to imagine an unchanging rhythm of days, lived on firm soil where you could wake up each morning and know that all was how it had been yesterday, where you saw how the things that you used had been made and could recite the lives of those who had made them and could believe that it would all hang together without computer terminals and fax machines. And all of this while a steady procession of black faces passed before your eyes, the round faces of babies and the chipped worn faces of the old; beautiful faces that made me understand the transformation that Asante and other black Americans claimed to have undergone after their first visit to Africa. For a span of weeks or months, you could experience the freedom that comes from not feeling watched, the freedom of believing that your hair grows as it is supposed to grow and that your rump sways the way a rump is supposed to sway. You could see a man talking to himself as just plain crazy, or read about the criminal on the front page of the daily paper and ponder the corruption of the human heart, without having to think about whether the criminal or lunatic said something about your own fate. Here the world was black, and so you were just you; you could discover all those things that were unique to your life without living a lie or committing betrayal."

Barack Obama - Dreams From My Father P311

President Obama speaking about the bullying of LBGT young people in school and about the It Gets Better Project. I love his words about young people growing up to fight discrimination of all kinds.

History was made this week in the United Kingdom with the the bill legalising same-sex marriage clearing another stage on its way to becoming law. Whilst it pains me to mention our Prime Minister on my blog, David Cameron(wash my mouth out), spoke on radio 4 this morning defending the government's controversial bill. For me this point of his in particular, was what is most important about this bill, the message it sends to gay people in society and also the message it sends to those who preach hatred and discrimination.

“I think we should think about it like this – that there will be young boys in schools today who are gay, who are worried about being bullied, who are worried about what society thinks of them, who can see that the highest Parliament in the land has said that their love is worth the same as anybody else’s love and that we believe in equality.

“I think they will stand that bit taller today and I’m proud of the fact that that has happened.”

I believe there are now fourteen countries that have legalised gay marriage. This video of the New Zealand Parliament breaking into song, just after the moment that gay marriage was legalised, brought tears to my eyes. The song is a Maori love song and I have copied the lyrics below for you.

I feel very proud to see my fellow human beings doing the right thing in so many places. 

It really does get better.

Pōkarekare ana, ngā wai o Waiapu
Whiti atu koe hine, marino ana e

E hine e, hoki mai ra, kamate ahau i te aroha e.

Tuhituhi taku reta, tuku atu taku rīni
Kia kite tō iwi, raruraru ana e.

E hine e, hoki mai ra, ka mate ahau i te aroha e.

Stormy are the waters on restless Waiapu
If you cross them, girl, they will be calmed

Oh girl, come back to me, my heart is dying of love for you.

I have written you a letter, and enclosed with it my ring,
So your people can see how troubled I am

Oh girl, come back to me, my heart is dying of love for you.

Funny old week - funny peculiar(that's life) - more ramblings.

Make a bed for the children of other people in the place where your own children sleep.

— Moroccan folk saying quoted in Wisdom of the African World
edited by Reginald McKnight and found here.

July 2011

It's been a funny old week. One that has had several moments where the old heart strings have been well and truly tugged at in one way or another. Tonight the week ended with fierce, angry tears and another lesson or two about listening to my gut, and about letting people go(or you can't please all of the people all of the time, no matter how hard you try!lol).

The quotation above is one that I've always been drawn to. I found it on the Spiritual Literacy section of the Spirituality and Practice  blog that I was so fortunate to discover a few months ago. The one practice I keep coming back to is that of connection, and that is where I found this quote that speaks to me so much. Someone called me a do-gooder tonight. Maybe I am. Maybe I am a wanna-be do-gooder. There are worse things I could do, as the song says.

So much that I wanted and still want to be, always seems to lie just beyond my reach. So all I can do is to accept, and to learn from this sense of lack that I so often feel with regard to connection. Something I have been trying to practice in recent years, is to stop wanting something so badly; and to stop wallowing in self-pity and lack; to start giving what you lack wherever possible. Not so that it will come back to you, but because it really does make you feel better. 

Most of the time. You start to feel better....most of the time.

And then there are weeks like this one. Inevitable. When all that has gone before, all you have done to contribute to your present day situation, hits you again full in the gut, in the heart. An old familiar feeling that your heart just might break again and that you cannot put one foot in front of the other, that you cannot face what is to come...whatever shade between the extremes of good and bad it may be.

It always comes back, just as strong each time, but you face it a little differently now and ask what is this visitor telling me. Welcoming in the guest for a while, saying hello again, allowing it just to be here and trying not to run from it or to use it as something to attack yourself and all of your good progress with it. Just like in the Rumi poem The Guest House , which asks us to welcome all of our feelings, even the darkest ones.

Wednesday was my lovely Mr Stayingawake's daughter's twenty-first birthday. He hasn't seen her or her brother since they were 12 and 10. Contact has been minimal due to their mother not allowing them to see him. We have spent the past ten years fighting this through the courts but to no avail. He speaks to her nowadays on the internet, but it is very early days, he doesn't speak to her brother as the young man is not ready as yet. We live in hope. We have lived with the pain everyday since the day the contact was stopped by the children's mother. Not my pain. His. It has clouded our life together.

I was feeling very selfish yesterday, as it was(funnily enough) my nephew's daughter's 21st birthday, and I refused an invitation for us both to share in her celebration on Saturday evening, when her parents invited us to join them in a local restaurant. I felt that my Mr Stayingawake could not be expected to attend this occasion, as much as we would love to celebrate with her. It is just too close to his own daughter's special (21st) birthday. I was agonising, because I want to share this event and be with my family. I feel guilty. I feel as if I should be there. That as we have little contact with the young people in the family now they are grown, that this is a good time to enjoy them, to celebrate them. I love my family connections but this has been strained also in recent years due both to the situation with Mr Stayingawake's children(people do judge even when they do not know the full story); and due to my own feelings of regret about my own parenting choices. 

Heartbreak came also this week, at being offered a place on a course (if I can get work with children) but recognising that maybe this is not what I want. And then what is it I want? Isn't it a bit late for all of this? Resentment at having spent most of my life gaining qualifications, only for them to be "useless" now I am in transition. After all this time not knowing what I am here to do. It feels like I somehow missed every boat possible. Or rather took the wrong boats. 

In August Mr Stayingawake and myself found out that what we had decided was our purpose, we were not allowed to do, and this because of the issues he had had with his children. 

Heartbreak this week came at watching this week's Panarama which highlights the exploitation of children as beggars, on our streets here in the UK, and all over Europe. When we were away in France I saw a woman begging with two children and of course gave her money, how could I not? There I was buying food and there they were.....two little ones who would love to eat a crepe with nutella and banana. It was not enough of course. What amount of money will ever solve this problem? I wish I could go back and buy all three of them a crepe with nutella and banana instead of giving the money. In the world we live in though, what good would that have done except to make me feel momentarily better? 

Last Friday I had to take a long hard look at myself when faced with someone sleeping rough through my work. Knowing we have two empty bedrooms in the house right now and are "not allowed" to fill them with children is a difficult one. My heart tells me now, that I need to fill it with people who have nowhere to live. My head tells me to think......what about Mr Stayingawake.....what about my sanctuary? I am a professional working in homelessness.... I cannot take everyone home with me. But this is telling me something. Work needs to be done here. 

Yesterday was the funeral of little Harry Moseley whose work I've posted about previously. This small boy who knew what he had to do and what he had to face, can teach all of us lost souls a big something. He was here for such a short time and did so much with his time. On such a day, all there is is our best. Intentions or actions, our best offering is good enough.We each of us know what our best offering is.

Worthiness Wednesday #14: Compassionate Curiosity - Worthy of Spaciousness.

I need this worthiness Wednesday today. I need to let the "little I" who self-sabotages, off the hook and not be afraid of her anymore. She can tell me useful things if I listen hard enough, I can get to know her in a new way. I can learn what truths she is telling me, and I can also see what old familiar illusions she is weaving, mischief maker that she is! ;)

How deep and serious she makes everything. How complicated.

How responsible she feels for everything.

How can I ever measure up to her standards?

How much more time will she give to telling me that "Good intentions are not enough" or that "it doesn't matter that you had good intentions you still screwed it up and are not enough!"

Do I have to tread this path again? How many times? I forgave myself yesterday so why do I have to do it again today?

Will I never be worthy of this, or of this, or this? Do I want this? Or it it just another illusion? Am i just setting myself up again, so that "little I" can say "I told you so"? Or so she can sabotage me with all this blame, and tell me that this is who I am.

Staying mindful? Opening? Love? Who knew it would be such hard work?

Why not just throw it all over for sleepwalking again?

Keeping tight hold again? Isn't that easier? No, not a good place to be. "Little I" knows that I can't go back there.

Holding on gently, that's the way. But how do I get there, when the mischief maker loves destruction so much, and is screaming at me so loudly to hold on tight?

I read these words today about fear....  

"if the voice of uncertainty or fear is louder than the voice of our principled action, look at the goal and ask yourself "is this what I really want?"

 I am trying hard to listen but I can't tell yet if the fear is louder. At the moment they are about the same in volume. Fear might be winning. What then? What then? What if she is telling me the truth this time?

I read a poem about death today. About time running out before you've got to know someone. So much in life to do. "Little I" likes to create panic. She tells you that you haven't done enough and will never be able to. She stops you from living in the moment. She asks too many questions all at once..... How do I do this now? How do I take the next step and the next? I need to know where, why, when, who.....need to have a plan to get me safely to the end. I need some certainty. All the while she laughs her mischievious laugh as she watches me, paralysed, unable to put one step in front of the other. She knows there is only one question and that you know the answer, so she creates some noise to drown it out.

I listened to some beautiful lyrics and music today and I cried. So beautiful. It reminded me of the story of Sleeping Beauty where the good fairies come to the christening, and give the baby their wishes.

The music makes me think of my Mum, and her wishes for me as a baby. "Poor old you", whispers "little I" cruelly.

The music makes me think of myself and my wishes for my own child all those years ago. "Good intentions," she whispers again, "So many good intentions."

Hormones, I tell myself. That's all it is. But there is also "little I" - she spots a weakness and she is in for the kill.

Luckily "Little I" is losing her power, now I'm taking a good long look at her, letting her off the hook.

My mind is all fuzzy today, and I'm afraid that I cannot remember all that I've learned in the past year and a half. I stopped keeping tight hold of everything, and now what?

"Look what happened when you let me off the hook last time", she says importantly, sure of her power again.

I tell her that I have a choice. Yes, it might feel like exam morning or interview day, when you think you've lost it all, but you do still have a choice if you take a breath and smile. You can choose to go in with a new, fresh sort of giddyness and joy, all warm and open to the new, fresh world of today. Or you can choose to shut down, and listen to "little I", and go in with panic and fear, eyes open but unable to see the possibilities.

So I'm letting "little I" off the hook today, and tomorrow, and whenever I spot her at work. Sitting with the feelings and watching her at work is the place to start. Take a breath. Trust. Create some space.

Loving this poem today

"Doing what you can, with what you've got, where you are".

This morning I happened to catch the speech Michelle Obama was giving, to the Young African Women Leaders Forum, at Regina Mundi Church in Soweto. I thought it was an inspiring and moving speech, clearly spoken from the heart by Michelle, whether written by her or not. I imagine that the young women in the room felt encouraged and empowered by her words and her recognition of their voices, their fears, self-doubt and the work that they are here to do.

So anyway, I hunted it down and here is the full speech,  courtesy of YouTube and Sky News.



Here is a link to the full transcript at TimesLive South Africa, and an excerpt from it is quoted below.

There was so much I loved about these words, so many favourite parts, for example ..."That's how people of conscience view the world"....and...."The refusal to remain a bystander when others are suffering"... and the part where she talks about the support given to each other once someone begins to take action, from people close by and from people far away....the "ripples of hope". She points out that the stained glass windows of the Regina Mundi Church, that depict the struggles of South Afican young people against Apartheid, were donated by people in Poland, and that the Peace Pole in the park nearby, by people from Japan.

So many important and beautiful words, woven together to honour the young people of Africa and of the world.

I'll be quiet now and let you read or listen as you wish.

"These 76 young women are outstanding examples. Take Gqibelo Dandala from here in South Africa. She left a lucrative career in investment banking to found the Future of the African Daughter Project, an organization that lifts up young women in rural and township areas. Of her work, she says: “…we are building a legacy which will outlive and outgrow us…”

And then there’s Robyn Kriel. She’s a young reporter from Zimbabwe who has written about corruption and human rights abuses in her country. She was beaten by police; her home raided, her mother imprisoned. But she still hasn’t lost her passion for reporting, because, as she put it, the people of Zimbabwe “want their stories to be told.”

And then there’s Grace Nanyonga, who joins us today from Uganda. Hey, Grace! (Applause.) You go, girl. (Laughter.) Orphaned at the age of 13, she started cooking and selling fish during her school vacations to support her six siblings. Determined to get an education, she founded her own company, and she made enough money to put herself through university. And she’s now started an organization that trains local women to work at her company so that they can support their own families. (Applause.) Of her achievements, she says, simply — these are her words — “I made it against all odds” and “I want to be an example for girls in my country and beyond.”

Now, Grace could have been content to make lots of money, and just provide for her own family. Gqibelo could have climbed the corporate ladder, and never looked back. Where is she? Please stand. Grace got to stand. (Laughter.) Come on, where is she? Is she out there? (Applause.) And no one would’ve blamed Robyn — where’s Robyn? (Applause.) No one would have blamed Robyn if after all she’d been through she decided to quit reporting and pursue an easier career. But these young women — and these are just examples of stories that go on and on — these young women could not be content with their own comfort and success when they knew that other people were struggling.

You see, that’s how people of conscience view the world. It’s the belief, as my husband often says, that if any child goes hungry, that matters to me, even if she’s not my child. (Applause.) If any family is devastated by disease, then I cannot be content with my own good health. If anyone is persecuted because of how they look, or what they believe, then that diminishes my freedom and threatens my rights as well.

And in the end, that sense of interconnectedness, that depth of compassion, that determination to act in the face of impossible odds, those are the qualities of mind and heart that I hope will define your generation.

I hope that all of you will reject the false comfort that others’ suffering is not your concern, or if you can’t solve all the world’s problems, then you shouldn’t even try.

Instead, as one of our great American presidents, Teddy Roosevelt, liked to say, I hope that you will commit yourselves to doing “what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are,” because in the end, that is what makes you a lion. Not fortune, not fame, not your pictures in history books, but the refusal to remain a bystander when others are suffering, and that commitment to serve however you can, where you are."

Catching Up - #Mindful52 Week 18

There is an Indian proverb or axiom that says that everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, a mental, an emotional, and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time but, unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.

Rumer Godden in A House with Four Rooms

I'm  not simply catching up with prompts just lately, I'm catching up with some important learning that I think I must have missed somehow along the way. I was too busy surviving. Too busy with all that stuff I have written about too much. Too busy struggling. Too busy numbing. Too busy trying to be perfect, trying to fit in; being confused by endless choices. Too busy listening to everyone else's voices. Too busy to distinguish which were the voices I needed to hear. To busy to hear my own voice. Too busy to know what questions I needed to ask. Too busy to take care of myself or others, in anything but the most basic manner.

When I search for a gentle and wise being from my childhood, I cannot find one. I know that I will find one if I look closely enough. For now I choose to think that there just wasn't one, rather than that I chose not to listen to the many teachers there surely were (maybe a post or a journal about my teachers is needed).

So in my late forties, I am catching up at last with the important learning that is helping me to fully inhabit this life I have been given.

I am not comparing myself to anyone else when I say I'm catching up. Many of us have to work hard to look after our "house with four rooms" even if we are given this learning in childhood. What I mean by catching up, is that I'm giving some of the rooms that have been neglected a bit of deliberate attention. Don't worry though, while this might sound a bit ruthless and clinical, and there are some dark and cobwebby corners to reach; this process is on the whole one of joy and love.

The mindful52 prompt I have been working on this week is about renewal. By consciously beginning to pay attention to all of my rooms, I am allowing for renewal to take place. Though it sounds like I am still busy doing, this is a new kind of busyness for me, one which involves learning how to connect with the core of my being.

This prompt has led me to some new reading and learning, and I have started to carve out a direction for this to take. Right now I am keen to read more about the work of Marian Woodman for example. I love what she says right at the end of this clip about the shadow and the light belonging to each other.

Mindful52 has also prompted me to start a Yoga class, after years of saying that I wanted to. I've done a small amount of Yoga in the past, but it has never been a regular part of my life. On the first day of this class I said to myself that it felt like I was coming home, and although some days I really have to force myself out of the door and onto the mat, I still feel this each and every time.

When the body is finally listened to, it becomes eloquent. It's like changing from a fiddle to a Stradivarius. It gets much more highly attuned.

— Marion Woodman in Interviews with Marion Woodman

I've been making a conscious effort to ensure I sleep well. I've also been making time for creativity. I love to get out into nature, sometimes walking and more often lately, working in the garden. When walking I often take my camera with me, sometimes it can help me to pay attention; and as I also need to pay attention without my camera too, I sometimes leave it at home. Some days just the walking, the air on my face and the sound of the sea, is all that I need to feel renewed. 

On the beach - March 2011

Lately I've been thinking more about prayer. Although I don't follow a religion, I am drawn to meditation and sacred words from all religious and spiritual traditions. I know that I need and want to make time for this within my life. I found this beautiful blessing today, both the writer and the words are new to me; I love them already and am sending them out to you with all my heart.

Benedicto: 

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells, past temples and castles and poets towers into a dark primeval forest where tigers belch and monkeys howl, through miasmal and mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone, and down again into a deep vast ancient unknown chasm where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled cliffs, where deer walk across the white sand beaches, where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the high crags, where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you - beyond that next turning of the canyon walls. 

Edward Abbey - Desert Solitaire.

Self-care, renewal and this touching base with my spiritual side, is kind of new to me; amazing though this might seem. After years of work, work, work and no time for anything much else, I started this process of transformation about two years ago. Before that something of this was always calling to me but I would always shout back, "One day...one day I'll listen."

It is now a question of self-discipline, those old habits still call me and I still have to resist. It's also a learning curve to be kind with myself when I don't go out walking and sit down in front of the TV instead; or when I eat too many biscuits and drink too much tea!

I wonder how you visit your rooms each day and what calls you to a more joyful and whole way of living?

2010 Virtual Advent Tour - Traditions

 For my first December as a Blogger, I'm taking part in the Blogger Virtual Advent Tour which I stumbled upon accidently while roaming around this amazing space that is the internet. Though today is my official Advent post for the tour, I am hoping that it will encourage me to post more here at my blog (every day in December) and give me the time and space to reflect as Christmas approaches.

My adult son has now moved out of the family home and this year will be our first Christmas without him, apart from visits of course. It feels like a good time to throw out some of the old traditions and bring in some new(yes i know that is like a line from a new year's song).

I am looking forward to reading all of the other blogs that are part of the Advent Tour and seeing how you all prepare for Christmas. That will help to bring in some new!

Advent is a time for reflection and for anticipation. As the days go by and it gets closer to Christmas Day, I always feel that stillness amongst the bustle of shoppers and the flurry of our busy lives. I really love Christmas Eve for this, when the shops are all shutting and four o'clock comes, and that peaceful feeling spreads.

I spend Christmas Eve afternoon making visits to family members. Driving back in the dark, I love seeing the Christmas lights twinkling in windows and gardens. In recent years I've been meeting with one of my sisters who likes to go to the Carols By Candlelight service at a local church. This "four o'clock thing" has come from another of my sisters, at whose house I spent many a Christmas Eve over the years - she would get all her jobs done during the day, and by four o'clock we would either be off to the Pantomime or doing other family activities, together with her children and the older folk in our family.

People close to me might know of my love of candles. I always have candles burning around the place at any time of year. For a while when my son was small, I always bought an Advent Candle and we would light it everyday during December along with opening the calendar.

Lighting a candle is a peaceful act which brings a moment of stillness. The flame flickering is a symbol of hope and expectation. We are waiting for Christmas. We are remembering the story behind the frenzy of the commercial christmas that can easily overtake our lives. We are quiet for a moment or two.

Even those of us who would describe ourselves as spiritual rather than religious feel something of the gentle power of this waiting for something new and wonderful to be born, this baby who will bring light to the world. Light is symbol for and so much a part of many other religions and festivals too.

As I light the Advent Candle I am also reminded that I am able to spread light in the darkness. Keeping my own light burning and sharing that with the world is something I often don't find easy. As I light my candle today I remember how important this is and I think about this quote from The Buddha:

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

One of the new traditions this year is something I've been saying I'd like to do for many years but other commitments have always made me put it to the back of the list. I would really like to volunteer at the homeless shelter, not just at Christmas but all year round. Coming home on Christmas Eve I am so grateful for my home and safe haven. I don't have bags of time to give, but just a little time given can make a big difference.

Sharing lovely Christmas stories, books and songs is also something that has been a big part of Advent for me. Having been a Mum and also having worked with children for many years, I was always on the look out for ways to add to the magic.

"The Wild Christmas Reindeer"  written and illustrated by Jan Brett, is a children's book that has been brought out again and again through many years. I've read it to children both at work and at home, and I think i enjoy it just as much as they do. It is a lovely story and beautifully illustrated, there is so much to look at in the pictures.

What I love about it the most I think, is the fact that each page is like an Advent Calendar, with a number for each day as we count down the days to Christmas. It would be tempting to read a page each day during Advent but so far we have always wanted to turn the pages and read right on.

It is a story about someone learning a lesson of course, like many children's stories. Teeka is the little elf who helps look after Santa's reindeer at Winterfarm, this year she is chosen by Santa to get the reindeer ready to fly on Christmas Eve. The story is a simple one and shows how Tikka learns a lesson about responsibility, communication and love.
 
This book has been in a box in the spare room for a few years now. It's time to share it with someone else. It's pages need to be turned. I'm going to take a walk down to my sister's house later today and pass it on to her to share with her grandchildren when they visit. I might just take some of the other children's books down to the Hospice on the way back.
 

Have a Happy Christmas everyone!

Christmas Shopping? World Aids Day - 1st December 2010

Today I was going to write my first Advent post. I still am.

Getting ready for Christmas means Christmas Shopping! I love finding gifts for people I love. For me this activity has also often meant exploring ways that my purchases can also bring some benefit to others. I usually do buy charity Christmas Cards, and in some years I've been able to choose presents that will also bring some positive impact to someone elses life. But that's just me, and it's not always easy to find something that the person you are buying for will love, and that at the same time contributes to helping others. Thankfully it is easier and easier these days as companies realise that at Christmas more and more people want to be able to share what they have a little bit wider.

If you are buying books for presents for example, have a look at these Penguin Classics where 50% of the profits from their sale goes to The Global Fund to eliminate AIDS in Africa.

This post is not going to preach at you to do the same. If you want to that's great, some of the links below give information about how you can shop and at the same time help AIDS charities continue their vital work. If not then maybe you want to help raise awareness or become more fully informed.

So on the first day of December, open the first window on my "Advent Blog Calendar" to find some videos and links for World Aids Day.

Today I learned that the theme of this year's World Aids Day is Universal Access and Human Rights . Imagine being ill or at risk and not being able to get access to HIV preventative treatments and care. Imagine being in need of life saving antiretroviral treatments but being too ashamed or afraid to see a doctor.

Millions of people continue to be infected with HIV every year. In low- and middle-income countries, less than half of those in need of antiretroviral therapy are receiving it, and too many do not have access to adequate care services. There has been a lot of progress made but AIDS has not gone away and there are still many things to be done.

There is a lot of information around:

AVERT  has a very accessible and informative website.

The World Aids Day website.

The RED website is where you can find the powerful film the The Lazarus Effect and learn how as consumers we can help raise money for projects in Africa.

The Terrance Higgins Trust  Encourages us, amongst other things today, to do some of our Christmas shopping through them or even simply buy some Christmas Cards. They tell us:

"There are more than 77,000 people living with HIV in the UK. Help us to be there for them by shopping via our website or using our partners' services. Some won't even cost you a penny."

More about the UK from Annie Lennox:




Pressure is being put on the government to develop a new UK-wide strategy for tackling HIV - sign the petition here at http://www.worldaidsday.org/Do-Something/Support-our-campaigns.aspx.

"The Other Hand" - Chris Gleave (Rachel's Blogger Reading Group book review)

 

It was such a fantastic accident when I picked "The Other Hand" up off the shelf in WH Smith's and decided to buy it as my get-one-half-price book, along with the other one deliberately chosen. This is without doubt my favourite book of this year, and as I write this review I am already plotting to read it again quite soon.

This is my first ever book review. I've been inspired by Rachel at goplacidly to take part in her Blogger Book Review Group.

Each bedtime I pick up a book and read for a few minutes before my eyes start to close. However once I picked this one up and started to read it, it was a gallop to the finish as I couldn't and didn't want to put it down. I also didn't want it to end either, but more about that later.

Before reading I had no expectations of the book. I hadn't heard of it or the author before, and in addition the blurb on the back cover does not tell you anything about the plot, but "just enough to buy it".

It simply tells that the book is....

"the story of two women.Their lives collide one fateful day and one of them has to make a terrible choice.Two years later they meet again and the story starts there...."

Then it goes on to request...

"Once you have read it, you'll want to tell your friends about it. When do you do, please don't tell them what happens either. The magic is in how it unfolds."

So it's going to be really difficult to review this book without giving too much of the plot away. I will give just a little bit away when I tell you that it is a perfect review for me to be writing, following on from the "The Girl Effect" and the inspiration gained there. I really do want anyone and everyone to read it! I'd love to send it on to one of the readers who might pop in here, so leave a comment here and I'll contact you and post it off(This might be my blog's first giveaway gift!)

"The Other Hand" has at it's centre a real world subject about which we hear much about in the media, and about which many of us have strong feelings of one kind or another. It is about "real" women's lives, here and now, in the UK and across the world, and it makes us think of real world uncomforable situations that many people would perhaps prefer not to think or to read about. But before you groan and turn away feeling that this will be a very heavy and depressing read, just stay with me a little longer. I would say that if you, like me, enjoy films/books like "Blood Diamond", "The Kite Runner", "The Little Drummer Girl", "The Killing Fields", then you will enjoy this. Although not a thriller, it has elements of this genre which help to lift a subject matter that could be seen by some prospective readers as too worthy or preachy for them. It also has a sharpness of writing, and a humour and warmth that are irresistible.

The novel is not preachy at all. Unlike my review possibly!

The opening of the novel plonks us roughly down and straight into the experience of a very young woman, I would say she was very much still a child. Somewhere in the middle of the book it is a shock to realise how old she actually is, and at this point I am raging at the character that speaks of her as a woman. Cleverly the author weaves this into the story and I was brought up sharply to examine both how she is treated by the system and also her life experience in a very short number of years.

Written in the first person, in the first chapter we see events unfolding through this girl's own eyes and the most hardened of hearts cannot but be put in touch with our humanness, our similarities rather than our difference. She is no longer a nameless, faceless statistic as she might be to readers whose only knowledge of this subject may come through the media. This is one of the individuals behind the headlines.

The story shifts perspective, back and forth from this young woman/girl to the other central character who is an older woman, with a career, husband, lover and child of her own. The two characters know each other from two years ago when something terrible happened and one of them had to make a decision to act out of desperation. The effect of that terrible event and the choice that the older woman(Sarah) made, on both their lives has been huge and two years later their meeting for a second time, will again have a major impact on both their futures and the choices they now make.

It is such a powerful story that smacks a series of hard punches in places I didn't really know were there. It is both beautiful and cruel, breathtaking because of how fragile the words seem as you hold the book in your hands and read this delicate mix, like life itself. Although in places the pace of the writing does slow down, all of a sudden it races forward again and you go along with it, unable to put the book down. Wanting to go along and not wanting to at the same time. Hoping for some positive happy resolution but fearing that this will not be the ending. These characters have like us all, only so much control over their own lives and the lives of others, despite the illusions that some of them may have.

It is not a difficult read as you are right in there with the characters from the start, both are totally believable and I cared deeply about what would happen for them both. The believability is evident in the flawed character of Sarah and the messiness of her life. Sarah is not a stereotypical heroine thank goodness, this shows in how often I don't like her as I read, and it would be easy to feel distain for her and for the men in her life. However Gleave doesn't let me, through the wise words of the central character he cuts short any negative comparisons between these two different life experiences, before I start to make them. Early on in the book, I find myself turning the book over and looking at the cover for some indication of whether the author is male or female. This is because he writes from a woman's voice so well!

Woven in between the two women is the character of a child. Amazingly Chris Gleave manages to show us the world through his eyes and this though this comes through the fantastic dialogue reported by the two women and their relationships with the child. Cleave manages to write a child's speech so believably and I am brought very close to the child's experience and his emotions. These are some of my favourite parts of the book.

Gleave seems to have a special gift for writing believable dialogue for characters that are very diverse. The dialogue is part of what takes the reader on an emotional journey along with the characters. The important thing to say about this book is that although it describes very shocking and difficult events, in the midst of your despair and your tears, you find yourself laughing out loud the very next moment.

The one thing I would maybe struggle with is the last chapter or so of the book. It feels as if the choice made by the older woman is not something she would really be able to make. However when I really stop to think about it how could she not make that choice? It is this choice that gives you the hope that there are really people out there who care enough to put their lives on the line/on hold for another person. This ending makes you question how you are living your own life, and what it will take to make you act. The answers are found in the human contact, the closeness, the connection, the commitment you make to each other, the love between individuals, the eyes of a child.

Another August Day Ending!

August seems to be flying by and as for the break aspect, well I think that my break will come in another month or two. The years keep on coming and going too don't they? These photos were taken on my son's birthday last Wednesday. As we stood and gazed at the beautiful sky together, taking photographs and pausing for a moment, I felt that all too familiar feeling creeping over me. You know the one, the one that longs for the past just a teensy bit and the one that tinges the edges of happiness with just a hint of sadness. It's the one that makes you cry at weddings too, or at the happy endings in a film. You know the one!

I wrote in my morning pages today, about finally feeling that I am starting to live more in the present moment. So the August days flying by(and the years), are not causing me any anguish or resentment really. Life is fuller than it was, I am making it so, and the fear is lessened. Time is short, so these days I fill it up with good things, rather than bemoaning this fact. I am acknowledging the darkness and the light. I am practicing acceptance. I am a beginner in this please note, so it takes practice. I think it always will.

Julia Cameron in "The Artist's Way" writes:

It is the inner commitment to be true to ourselves and follow our dreams that triggers the support of the universe. While we are ambivalent the universe will seem to us also to be ambivalent and erratic. The flow through our lives will be characterized by spurts of abundance and long spells of drought, when our supply dwindles to a mere trickle.

If we look back at the times when the world seemed to be a capricious and untrustworthy place, we will see that we were ourselves ambivalent and conflicted in our goals and behaviours. Once we trigger an internal yes by affirming our truest goals and desires, the universe mirrors that yes and expands it.

There is a path for each of us. When we are on our right path, we have a surefootedness. We know the next right action - although not necessarily what is just around the bend. By trusting, we learn to trust.

Beautiful!

Driving back I wanted him to linger a while longer so I suggested we drove to the beach to see the sunset.

Dear Mum,

25th August.
Today is a special celebration day as a very beautiful person was born on this date, just a few years ago ;). When you look at him, you may not see that beauty, it may not be so obvious to you, but it is there shining out. He has a little light that somehow, despite all the odds, grew to be so determined to shine! So many people can see his light and I am grateful for that! It says so much that so many people love him.

I so wish he had known his Grandma. I know that you would have been just the best Grandma for him, helping me in making sure he was safe and whole.

Sending blessings to him now and always. Wishing only the best and that these wishes may make up for what is missing or is passed.

No more for now but will write again soon. Jan x

New Beginnings

New beginnings are always possible.

 Day 100 of the 365 project: 21/8/10

A Moment

 August Break Number Three.

So glad I took the time today to do the next right thing but so sad about the choices we make in life in our society.

A few simple moments was all it took to make things feel better.