Weekend Appreciations on a Wednesday

It was so wonderful having an extra day at home for the Bank Holiday Monday. After a busy weekend last week, a quiet weekend just pottering at home was just what I needed.

This is some of what I got up to and am grateful for this weekend.



We had two visitors this weekend, but overall it was a quiet one.

One of my sisters popped in for a few moments on Sunday, and brought me some olive oil soap she bought on holiday. It was so wonderful to see her and I promised I would return the visit very soon.

 On Saturday I spotted this furry visitor looking in at the window. Cute eh?

Mr Stayingawake thought it would be hilarious to make funny faces at me, as I took photographs of our visitor from the outside.

I really do appreciate his sense of humour. He can always make me smile.

Incredible. Beautiful. Amazing.




The caterpillar of course! 

Lavender from the garden.
 

Linseed from the local health food store, where I chatted for a while with the assistant. He was very helpful and we had some laughs with an elderly gentleman who was complaining in a sort of joking way about the penny sale (that wasn't a penny sale).

I still have some lavender oil left from years ago - so I used it to add a drop or two into the mix.

I appreciate my younger self who was always intending to find time to use and learn about plants their uses.

I appreciate the me now, who is making time for all of the things that interested my younger self but that she didn't have time for. Or didn't make time for!

Filling up the muslin pillow. I appreciate the sewing lessons I had at primary school. Though at the time and for many years, sewing was my least favourite pastime.

I love the delicate weave of the muslin and the way the light shines through.

Here is the inner pillow, full to the brim with lavender and linseed, and ready to slip inside the pretty cover.

 

Damsons sent with love, from a friend's garden.


I intend to send some love right back to the friend especially as she is unwell right now.

Some of the Damsons being boiled to make jam.


Look at the beautiful colour as they begin to soften and change.

 On this last weekend of summer I am already thinking of harvest festival time just around the corner.

The Marrow and herbs are from the allotment and the garden. (Mr Stayingawake's other name is Mr Greenfingers.)

We have marrows in abundance at the moment and are sharing with others of course. I found a few recipes here and the one we tried here. There were a few funny ones I found, which suggested some not so helpful ideas but I can't find them now. They gave me a giggle.

Mmmm. My favourite part was chopping up the fresh herbs from the garden.

 I picked mint, corriander and parsley.

Such wonderful smells.

Lovely, tasty supper - the recipe was for four so I halved it as there was just the two of us.

Next on the "marrow to do list", is marrow and ginger jam. There is a marrow waiting for me in the kitchen and it has "jam" written all over it.

We also were sent some pears by the friend who sent the damsons. Tonight some of them have been used to make Damson, Pear and Walnut Muffins.

Next weekend more of the pears will be used to make this. It should keep until Christmas so I will be taking a jar or two with me as gifts when I call to visit family over the next few weeks.

Here's hoping that you had a fabulous weekend however you spent it.

ICAD #11 - It Matters.

 

I found this poster on Tuesday, pinned on the wall of a very dirty community centre kitchen, where I had been sent to make tea. 

I like the reminder. 

But then I'm always getting reminders and then just forgetting again. 

Life moves on and I fall asleep again. 

Then yesterday I get another reminder in a less subtle, much more shocking way. I am still reeling from the pain of what has happened to someone I once knew. Someone with whom I spent so many of my days. Someone that I cannot now help or comfort, because I walked away from our friendship. I walked away because at the time I was feeling sorry for myself, depressed, anxious and ashamed. I was only thinking of myself and how unworthy I was. Unable to reach out to others or be of any use to anyone.....or so I thought. I've lost so much in life through my own stupidity, and through my own bitterness. I've lost the chance to share in the good times. I've lost the chance to give support, give myself, give my time, give my love.

So today I will reach out again and I will not worry about my imaginings. 

I always say that life is too short to hold back. Then I hold back through irrational fears. I draw myself up. I keep myself safe. So why have I been so unhappy? 

Someone like me, who lost a parent early in life, should surely know this lesson well?

 

Ah now. No more anguish and no more regret.

There is enough sorrow. 

 

We spend too much of our time with fear.

 It's time for full on joy. Every moment matters. 

"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows."

Brene Brown

Here are my Index cards for this week starting with today's card. I love these words from the Mary Oliver poem particularly......"In the personal life, there is always grief more than enough, a heart-load for each of us on the dusty road. I suppose there is a reason for this, so I will be patient, acquiescent."

"...a heart-load for each of us."

ICAD 65 - 28/8/11

ICAD 60 - 23/8/11

ICAD 61 - 24/8/11

ICAD 62 - 25/8/11

ICAD 63 - 26/8/11

ICAD 64 - 27/8/11

With the "heart-load" of grief that so many people have to bear, I wonder sometimes how they get up and carry on each day. 

As always I am in awe of the courage and strength of human beings.

It matters that I acknowledge this today.

Oh how I love a Wedding! Small Stone Blogsplash - we need your help.......

Kaspa & Fiona have taken over my blog for today, because they
need our help.

They are both on a mission to help the world connect with the world
through writing. They are also getting married on Saturday the 18th of
June.

For their fantasy wedding present, they are asking people across the
world to write them a ‘small stone’ and send it to us using this form. You can also post the stone on your blog, or facebook or on twitter using the #aros hashtag.

A small stone is a short piece of observational writing – simply pay
attention to something properly and then write it down. Find out more
about small stones here.

If you’re willing to help, we’d love you to do two things:

1) Re-post this blog on your own blog any time before June the 18th and
give your readers a chance to hear about what we’re doing. You can
simply copy and paste the text, or you can find the html
here.

2) Write us a small stone on our wedding day whilst we’re saying our
vows and eating cake, post it on your blog, and send
it to us.

You can find out more about our project at our website, Wedding Small
Stones, and you can also read our blog at A River of Stones.

We also have a July challenge coming soon, when we’ll be challenging
you to notice one thing every day during July and write it down.

Thank you for listening, and we hope we’ll be returning from our
honeymoon to an inbox crammed with small stones, including yours.

Kaspa & Fiona

I surrender!

Complete surrender -  June 2011

"Time always seems long to the child who is waiting - for Christmas, for next summer, for becoming a grownup: long also when he surrenders his whole soul to each moment of a happy day." 

- Dag Hammarskjold

I am waiting.Things are happening in the background, and decisions are to be made here and elsewhere that could change our lives. It's exciting and my hopes are soaring dangerously high into the blue. Things could change completely around here. There is a long way to go still and disappointment lurks. I wonder if this is the right thing for me. It is a very BIG decision. We are already climbing the stairs but we can stop and turn around at any point. At any point we could be sent back down again.

While I am waiting; I am going to be starting a new temporary job(next week); I am filling in a volunteering form; I am planning and scheming countless other small projects around the house and for my life (list to follow). There are many other possibilities and paths I can explore. There is so much else to enjoy! So many other people to meet and get to know. So much being to do!


It's all ok. I surrender!

Monday Meditation - Holding and Listening

This is an Excerpt from The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live An Authentic Life by Mark Nepo - discovered here :

"My own time on earth has led me to believe in two powerful instruments that turn experience into love: holding and listening. For every time I have held or been held, every time I have listened or been listened to, experience burns like wood in that eternal fire and I find myself in the presence of love. This has always been so. Consider these two old beliefs that carry the wisdom and challenge of holding and listening."

 

 "The first is the age-old notion that when holding a shell to your ear, you can hear the ocean. It always seems to work. The scrutiny of medicine has revealed that when you hold that shell to your ear, you actually hear your own pulsations, the ocean of your blood being played back to you. Yet this fact does not diminish this mystery. It only enhances it. For holding a shell to our ear teaches us how to hear the Whole through the part, and how to find the Universe within us. It teaches us that when we dare to hold another being, like a shell, to our ear, we hear both the mystery of all life and the ocean of our own blood. "Amazingly, each being has the story of the Universe encoded within them. Each soul is a shell shaped by the currents of the deep. Even physically, the inner ear — that delicate source of balance — is shaped like a conch. And so, whatever is held and listened to will show us where it lives in the world and in us."

"This brings us to the second belief: the folklore that if a horse breaks a leg, it must be put down. I've discovered that this isn't true. Oh it's true that it happens. Breeders shoot horses with broken legs as if there's nothing to be done. But now I know they do this for themselves, not wanting to care for a horse that cannot run."

"In just this way, fearful and selfish people cut the cord to those who are broken, not wanting to sit with a friend who can't find tomorrow, not wanting to be saddled with someone who will slow them down, not wanting to face what is broken in themselves. In this lies the challenge of compassion. For when we dare to hold those forced to the ground, dare to hold them close, the truth of holding and listening sings and we are carried into the wisdom of broken bones and how things heal."

"These are quiet braveries we all need. The courage to wait and watch with all of who we are. The courage to admit that we are not alone. The courage to hold each other to the ear of our heart. And the courage to care for things that are broken."

"The practice ground for these braveries is always the small things at hand. Somehow, through the practice of doing small things with great love, as Mother Teresa puts it, we learn how to be brave. In truth, the work of love is tending to small things completely. Such tending opens the mystery. By the large-heartedness of our smallest attention, we enter the ocean of love that carries us all."

Mark Nepo

Beginnings - Mindful52

This week, work with the concept of new beginnings occurring all the time. As you remain hopeful contemplating the year ahead – make lists and think about what you’d like to achieve. Journal so you have something to read each time you feel uninspired.Once you’ve done this, take steps each day to get there but enjoy each moment for what it is. When eating, eat. When working, work. When playing, play. Be with each and every activity of your life fully. Live fully, love fully and let go of anything not serving you.

In addition to taking part in A River of Stones during January, I also decided to to commit to this challenge also:  A year of Mindfulness - 52 weeks of focus. Both of these fit well with the tools I am using to break free of old patterns. I have some serious practice to undertake but I also hope that both involve fun and creativity too!

So here are some "beginnings" in the form of lists:

Key words

harness                      focus

stay                           get deliberate

clarity                        freedom

overflowing                overgrown

wild                           exploring

depth                         rhythm

peace                        inspiring

joy                            trust

value                         courage

do                             boundaries

accountable               compassion

connection                 acceptance(maitri)

balance                      energy

love                           laughter

Small steps

1. Meditate - stay, be still, be gentle, silence.
2. Write - Journal, reflect, blog.
3. Gratitudes.
4. Connection - reach out everyday.
5. Train in the three difficulties.
6. Courage - everyday courage.
7. Listen to my own rhythm, explore my own depths and boundaries - yoga?
8. Walk - dive into time, swim through time.
9. I am enough. This is my energy. Go into the deep. Call it forward.
10. Deliberate - choose, harness, focus.
11. Create.

I'm making more lists in my journal. An important list to make is about the things that no longer serve me and that can be let go of.

Right now there is so much swimming around in my head but one of my key tasks this year is to STAY. Not to wander off too quickly to the next thing, idea, blog, book, practice.

To stay for a while and explore the depth of whatever it may be. To focus.

A Moment

 August Break Number Three.

So glad I took the time today to do the next right thing but so sad about the choices we make in life in our society.

A few simple moments was all it took to make things feel better.