Kindling, Feathers and a Tiger's Eyelash.

A feather from the sea

~ 

 "The little match girl had no kindling wood, in fact she had no wood whatsoever. She was in a survivalist situation......and yet we cannot create the bones to sing over, we cannot put this together if our highest goal is surviving. Our highest goal is to thrive.....We have to find something very different than the little match girl."

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes

 ~

kindling (noun) 

 material for starting a fire, such as dry wood, straw, etc

to kindle (verb)

 1.to set alight or start to burn / 2.to arouse or be aroused ⇒ the project kindled his interest / 3.to make or become bright.

 ~

Whilst out walking last week, I almost walked past this baby feather. I had just been thinking how bare of feathers this path was. Then I noticed it there but walked on by. 

I am seeing so many feathers every day just lately; outside particular client's doors as I arrive for my appointments; outside on the drive when I set off for work; outside the office. 

So I checked myself, stopped and turned back to take a picture of this one resting on it's bed of seaweed. "Just in case." I told myself, " I don't want to take this for granted." 

Seeing feathers everywhere I mean.

My head tells me that they are "just" feathers.  My heart and soul tell me that they are secret messages. I pick many of them up and put them in my bag or my pocket. "I want to use them in my art," I tell myself. 

As I bent to pick one up off the pavement last week, a man I know through work, came out of his shop and said good morning.  "Morning. I'm just picking up feathers." I smiled. "Ok then." He shrugged his shoulders and moved on.

Why am I so obsessed with feathers? I never used to see them. Right now I feel they are telling me something about my dreams and hopes, and what to do next etc. It's just that I don't know what! Not. clear. at. all.

Anyway, as I continued on my coastal walk, I was happy I had stopped to take note of this teeny one. What I wasn't expecting was this.....

...suddenly I couldn't take a step without seeing feathers everywhere......

....washed up on the tide.....

....and such a variety of colour, pattern, shape, size and condition.

It was like the universe was screaming something at me. Feathers falling out of the sky, washing up on the tide, and covering the ground at my feet like a carpet.
 

Spiritual food

 The story of The Tiger's Eyelash, an old story from Japan and told by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in "Women Who Run with the Wolves," is part of this message I am sure:

"The Tiger's Eyelash is a story about patience, about giving the enraged one, kindness, and time to get over it. It is something we often do for other people...but something that we seldom do for ourselves, and yet that's a very releasing thing to do. To say ok this is in cycle, I am angry now, I am just going to be patient and be kind to myself until this passes. And it will pass. The woman in (the story)... isn't aware of what her incredible resources are that she could have applied to the situation with her husband. She wasn't aware of that and she went on this long heroic journey and proved herself a brave and strong person, but it never occurred to her to use that in the  common situation, and I think that is one of our shortfailings that we tend to think more of giving patience and kindness to others, than we do to ourselves. So if and when, you feel rage; if you would simply give yourself some time, and some food, some spiritual food...for me poetry and writing....each person has a different kind or a different version of what is spiritual food; and you know what yours is. If you would do that for yourself. If you will bridge your rage with that spiritual food, eventually everything will calm down, and will be fine. I'm not saying be perfect, I'm not saying happily ever after; I'm saying it will be fine. In other words you will be able to move ahead and that time of rage will be over."

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes

There is so much to say, I don't know where to start. #365 days

So I'll start with this week's photographs and that is enough.

I got my art/study room back - now to decorate and rip out that carpet! - 21st September

Rock and Reflections  - 22nd September

In Chinese Philosophy Autumn is associated with both courage and sadness and also with the sound of weeping
23rd September

Evening. Tuesday. Sea mist decending - 24th September

This is magic! - 25th September

This horse was rubbing it's behind on the post, whilst nibbling fleas off the other. 26th September

My long shadow. At least it is not always this long! 27th September

I just discovered I have a large (but invisbible) dinosaur tail

It felt very warm and strong when I leaned back on it this morning.

International Day of Peace 2013 - Education for Peace

"On this International Day of Peace, let us pledge to teach our children the value of tolerance and mutual respect.  Let us invest in the schools and teachers that will build a fair and inclusive world that embraces diversity.  Let us fight for peace and defend it with all our might."
~

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

 "Anyone, anywhere can celebrate Peace Day. It can be as simple as lighting a candle at noon, sitting in silent meditation, or doing a good deed for someone you do not know. Or it can involve getting your co-workers, organization, community or government engaged in a large event. The impact if millions of people in all parts of the world, coming together for one day of peace, is immense, and does make a difference.
International Day of Peace is also a Day of Ceasefire – personal or political. Take this opportunity to make peace in your own relationships as well as impact the larger conflicts of our time. Imagine what a whole Day of Ceasefire would mean to humankind."

International Day of Peace Website 

Calling a ceasefire here starting today.

A week of climbing ~ #365days

"....good things await you on the other side of this ridge. This is a hill you can climb. Just put one foot in front of the other. If you feel a little discouraged right now, that's okay, that's understandable. But give yourself permission to journey on. Keep moving. There is a positive result here."

 ~
Neale Donald Walsch (inbox wisdom)

A room with a view - 14.9.13

I love a good storm - 15.9.13

Artist's date in the cemetery -  then my camera got sick! Now I will have to go back for another date.
 16.9.13

Gifts from loss - sometimes we cannot see the gifts until later - 17.9.13

More storm clouds gathering - blue skies still visible. Both the dark and the light are so beautiful. - 18.9.13

Someone rescue me from myself. Someone save everyone else from me! We all need a lifeboat here. - 19.9.13

Reiki treatment. Thank you J - 20.9.13

Doors

 "The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”

- Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Unravelling - 2010

I've been thinking about these doors a great deal this week since listening to this audio book the Sunday before last.....

...........about having time to explore them.....about having time to simply notice they are there....to gently open.....and step into.....

On the drive to work on Monday morning, the fog had lifted and I felt all of the stories within me wanting to be written. My mind was crystal clear about one thing. It is possible for me to write these stories. I am able to do this...........I want to do this.

"Telling your stories is an act of resurrection of the wild you.....telling your stories matters. It is a gateway to your shero's journey, to reclaiming what has been lost. To reclaiming your energy, your faith, your hope, your lively unfettered you-ness."

- Jen Louden (in my inbox today)

Early 2013

 "Another year is fast approaching. Go be that starving artist you’re afraid to be. Open up that journal and get poetic finally. Volunteer. Suck it up and travel. You were not born here to work and pay taxes. You were put here to be part of a vast organism to explore and create. Stop putting it off. The world has much more to offer than what’s on 15 televisions at TGI Fridays. Take pictures. Scare people. Shake up the scene."

- Jason Mraz (quote found at daisyyellowart blog yesterday)

June - 2013

"If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it." 

 ~Anthony J. D’Angelo ((quote found at rightbrainplanner blog yesterday)

Best foot forward - but which foot is the best?

There was another feather today, as I returned to my car it was there on the ground, behind where I had parked. A white one this time. I have found so many feathers lately. Strange. They must have been there before but I never noticed them so much.

I have a wonderful opportunity waiting for me in January 2014. My heart is in my mouth just thinking about it. I am standing at the crossroads in many parts of my life just now. Home doesn't feel like home, and I am wondering about a different life......a different place.....a different rhythm.

 If I go this way, I fear I may miss precious doors and cease to see feathers on the ground.

If I go that way, maybe I am underestimating my own abilities yet again, plus I need to be practical and pay the bills. I really do need to make some decisions and step forward!  

This idea below sounds like heaven, and one of my favourite bloggers recently gave me an idea for how to sort myself out. I was already thinking of doing the same when I saw she had already booked a few days away and was on her way to her peaceful destination. 

I cannot believe I posted a few days ago about spending alot of time alone! It's like grand central station around here just lately!

"Imagine that you have been relieved of your responsibilities for a given time. They will be taken care of by people you trust. You won't have to work to make money during this grace period, but will be given all you need. Nor will you have to clean your house, wash your clothes, or buy and make your food. Now here's the big question: What will you do now that you are free to do anything you like?" (found here)

In a week of "Foggy brain"...... (#365 days)

In a week of "foggy brain" pictures for my 365 days 2013 project has allowed me to "see" things clearly, if only for a moment or two. How I wish that my brain could think as sharply and clearly as some of these images are. Anxiety sucks. Ego be gone. Inner critic you're fired.

It's so tiring being the "Mama". - 7th September

Our smallest cat has been looking after her larger housemate lately, as he has been scrapping much more often in the neighbourhood. If she notices that he has an injury she is on top of him licking the afflicted part, usually an ear.

While I know from experience she is such a softy, when I see those fangs, I am reminded of this scene in "The Holy Grail. "

I am once again looking to find my sense of humour as I am sure it will help. It must be there somewhere as I did manage to make a very depressed and frightened man laugh through his tears this week. My job sometimes seems so filled with the sadness and despair of other people, luckily it does have it's joyful moments too. I am very fortunate to be able to meet so many very people and have a window into their lives. They tell me their stories and sometimes that is all I can do, listen. I can offer some practical solutions of course and I do; often however, the thing they need most of all is someone to "see" them. Many of them really make me chuckle out loud. This week I have laughed with three or four of them at least. I possibly get too involved, well no possibly about it really!

I wonder how it is that I am able to do this in my job; relax and connect I mean; but find it so hard to do this with other people in my own life? Being with others socially is often quite painful for me as I can be overwhelmed with anxiety sometimes. I spend a lot of time alone.

Walking in the rain and listening to "Women who run with the wolves" via my earphones, was really grounding last Sunday. Lately time is running away so quickly and there seems no time for all I want to do. I won't be multi-tasking every time I walk however it was very soothing, probably due to Clarissa Pinkola Estes rhythmic voice and her words of "truth " that find their way into the deepest parts of me.

Purple(pink and green) rain - 8th September

Web and lavender in the evening sunlight - 9th September

Trying to recreate that "made by Dad" childhood memory - 10th September

Visiting - 11th September

World turning - 12th September

Cows in the road mean I have to slow down, in fact I have to STOP  - 13th September

How are you dear bloggers? Many people seem to be reporting a foggy brain this week. Be gentle with yourselves. 

Missing The August Break - It's September so back to 365 days again.

Blue Monday  - 2.9.13

Windmills in the distance - 3.9.13

Under blue skies - 4.9.13

Cheep Cheep 1

Cheep Cheep 2

Cheep Cheep 3

Cheep Cheep 4 - 5.9.13

Grey Friday  - 6.9.13

Practising Gentle

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy to a friend."

- Martin Luther King

I promise to speak gently to myself

September Sunset #365days

From the bedroom window - 1st September 2013

We rushed down to the sea to get a better view. Sunset 1st September 2013

Catching up under the August Moon Days 5, 6, and 7

 

Once in a blue moon, what would you wish for?

I am currently enjoying a time to reflect along with  Kat's August Moon 13

Kat writes: "As we transition into the last quarter of the year, we are inviting you to join us in responding to a series of prompts designed to bring you closer to all you wanted 2013 to be. We reckon that now is the time to ask: the universe will hear you."

Day 5: Have you developed new yearnings so far this year? Have you let go of old ones?  

To Yearn  

1.to have an earnest or strong desire; long: to yearn for a quiet vacation.  

2.to feel tenderness; be moved or attracted: They yearned over their delicate child.

Synonyms
1. Yearn, long, hanker, pine all mean to feel a powerful desire for something. Yearn stresses the depth and passionateness of a desire: to yearn to get away and begin a new life; to yearn desperately for recognition. Long implies a wholehearted desire for something that is or seems unattainable: to long to relive one's childhood; to long for the warmth of summer. Hanker suggests a restless or incessant craving to fulfill some urge or desire: to hanker for a promotion; to hanker after fame and fortune. Pine adds the notion of physical or emotional suffering as a result of the real or apparent hopelessness of one's desire: to pine for one's native land; to pine for a lost love.

Yearnings? We humans been to be one big bundle of yearnings. Me especially it seems. Are yearnings the same as wants? My wants drive everyone mad. Or are these my yearnings? Maybe I want because my yearnings are unfulfilled? As a child someone always used to say to me "I want doesn't get." I get that. I really do. I wonder though if I just don't invest much want into those deepest yearnings. Practicality always seems to show up.

Anyway.....

An old yearning has re-surfaced this year and is on track to becoming a big part of  life next year.  Old yearnings that are always with me will again have to be put on the back burner for a substantial amount of time. There are big decisions to be made. New yearnings intertwined with old yearnings are circling like birds above my head. When will they settle?

Still, it is good to have choices and life has presented me with these. I have made one life-changing decision, now I need to decide if there are other things to decide. Living in the moment is what it's about right now for me.

-------------------------------------

 Day 6: The Zeniths and the Nadirs. Where have the highlights and the low points been for you so far in 2013? Where are you now? How would you like your year to end? 

Why is it always easier to think of the Nadirs? 

The lowest point this year has been allowing myself to get into such a dark place. 
I have felt out of control and destructive. 
I let anxiety, and ego affect my health and my relationships.

Thankfully now this has passed and I am feeling more grounded.

Is it possible for a Zenith and Nadir to happen at the same time? 

For years I have spent time wishing and hoping for something/someone to come back into our lives. This year it happened and it has been wonderful to have been able to share in the joy that this has brought. 

I find it very hard to explain why my mood seemed to have become so dark and my behaviour towards myself and others so destructive when this is such a huge high point in our lives. 

Well actually I can explain it, I just can't excuse it. 

I could have dealt with all of the challenges that appeared at just the same time, in a very different way.

Thankfully there have been very many other highs: 

- my birthday night and the celebrations with my family

- being given a conditional offer to return to University in January

- I met some amazing and resourceful people in my day job

I would like 2013 to end with me feeling happy, healthy, peaceful and strong.

--------------------------------

Day 7: What once-in-a-blue-moon opportunities came your way so far in 2013?

This: 

And this: 

And this: 

 

And this: 

And this:

 

And this: 

It has been a whirlwind of a year so far. Now I would like to create the opportunity for some slow and some gentle. I'm off to yoga tonight for the first time in two years. I can feel the slow and the gentle seeping into my body already and I'm not even there yet.

Breathe.

Catching up with the August Moon. Day 4: Create

 

Once in a blue moon, what would you wish for?

I am currently enjoying a time to reflect along with  Kat's August Moon 13

Kat writes: "As we transition into the last quarter of the year, we are inviting you to join us in responding to a series of prompts designed to bring you closer to all you wanted 2013 to be. We reckon that now is the time to ask: the universe will hear you."

Day 4: What word did you choose as your traveling companion in 2013? How is it working for you? Where have the surprises been?

"So it really doesn't matter if shoveling the snow is a creative act for you, or watering the plants, or taking a walk, or talking to strangers or raising a child. Whatever it might be, you must do it and you must do it in your way, and on a continuing basis. It doesn't mean that you must be creating a heroic sculpture every week, or you have to write a novel within a month, or anything like that. It just means that you must be using your life in the way that you know best, from the center every single day. If (creativity) backs up it hurts and pollutes you, it causes you to become rigid, makes you tired, makes you look lifeless, it deletes your passion, makes you brown around the edges." 

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Most carefully and deliberately chosen as my travelling companion for 2013, was the word CREATE.

I am learning much this August Moon from the thoughtful prompts, the opportunity to reflect on the events of this year so far is very welcome. I am also learning much from new readings(see above). Thank goodness for Kat and Meridith's brilliant idea for this time of reflection and regrouping. Before I joined in I would have answered this prompt quite differently. Now a few prompts in, and I am reminded to be more gentle and compassionate - starting with myself.

Back in January I was full of hope, and determined to choose to create a life  "in the way that I know best, from the centre every single day."

I was determined to stay open; be curious; to laugh and feel joyful; to feel free and peaceful; to put in effort and time where I chose; to create ways to nourish myself and others; to putting my hope into meaningful action; to make a new story; and all with compassion and self-discipline.

So how is it working for me?

Ha. I am a recovering perfectionist who had temporarily forgotten all she learned about excellence in 2012.

She had forgotten quite a lot of what she learned about compassion also.

She is tired and a bit "brown around the edges."

And oh so rigid. That really feels uncomfortable.

Thank goodness for the August Moon and this time to reflect. Things have come to a stop. I am taking a deep inhale and long exhale.

Knowing that about myself(I'm a perfectionist), and right now having time to pause and look up; I will answer this question with a smile and a inner chuckle.

"It is working some days and then other days......well, you know what I mean, I am sure. And that's ok."

And..... "What the hell just happened?"

Thank goodness for so many wise words, and a week off work to get things back into perspective. To rest and to breathe; to re-establish my priorities(those things I need to do to keep me well).

To find my lost sense of humour (darn it I'm always misplacing that somewhere!)

And.... "I still cannot often seem to manage the bit about work/life balance." 

And.... "That really scares me sometimes." 

However in my day job I do notice that I am more often working with "more focus and less resentment". I am more aware of where I invest too much unfocused energy and where I get swept along with it all;

......that way emotional and physical exhaustion lie.

I've been mucho afraid again. My safe space at home has been very busy with people.

I'm needing to soften, open and strengthen. I forgot that hard is sometimes too brittle; not strong at all; and that closed is never the way to feel safe.

Why things have been so challenging, is complex and long winded. Of course. We human beings are complex creatures and sometimes the shadows completely block out the light and we feel unsure of our way. I have been afraid of the darkness.

I love this poem about shadows, found via Clarissa Pinkola Estes:

Today, near Eventide
I did lead the girl who has no seeing
a little way into the forest where it was darkness
and shadows were.
I led her towards a shadow that was coming our way.
It did touch her cheek with its velvety fingers.
And now she too has likings for shadows
and her fears that were are gone.

- Opal Whitely

 What have been the surprises?

Feathers