What has that got to do with early mornings, evening sunlight and a puppy?
A few of the habits I would like to change, or establish, seem to have been on my list of changes I would like to make, for many, many years. Sometimes I get close and make a good start at something, then all of a sudden I lost momentum and am back at square one. Leo Babauta's habit change cheatsheet tells us at point one and point two, to start with one thing at a time, and to keep it simple.
Ah yes. Early mornings. I have the habit of delaying getting out of my bed in the morning until the very last minute. Sometimes this makes me late and the days gets off to a bad start. Sometimes I am aware of the time missed that could have been used to make life a little easier.
For a long while I have wanted to change this.
However the snooze button is my very good friend. She and I go back a long way and every morning we spend hours together. Yes hours. I used to set my alarm for more than an hour before I need to get out of bed. These days it is likely to be around forty-five minutes before I need to rise. However, after the forty-five minutes are up, I will extend the time, as I have usually allowed for this occurrence. I hit that button again and again. Mr S finds this habit of mine infuriating.
For a long time I have wanted to arise early; to run or exercise, meditate, write morning pages, read something meaningful, put a load of washing on.....you know....be a little bit more "perfect".
Or rather, if I were totally honest with myself, be a little more disciplined and purposeful than I actually am. Ok that's unfair, I hear my ex-therapist telling me off a little there for not being compassionate enough towards myself. Gees(this is my new favourite expression).
Of course I am purposeful and disciplined in my own way. I am a little haphazard and creative and UNFOCUSED. Simply me. Perfect already with all of my imperfections.
However, whilst I accept me in all my perfect imperfection, I would still like to establish a morning routine, before this 31 days of change are over. I would like to be a "earlier riser". I would like to use that time to gain some clarity, and establish a morning routine that nourishes me on most days. Gees I sound like some other blogger here don't I? Wannabe bright-eyed focused and purposeful, maybe that's my new blog title.
Hey I hope I'm not losing you with my cynicism, I know it's unlike my usual style. I am just trying to fathom why in the world I want to be that early riser. She is the me I have been seeking, and the me I may have been given other life conditions. She is another being, alien to me at present. Me who could have been, if only I'd changed my habits before age 49. My ex-therapist might say she is simply a symptom of my overly self-critical habit and mindset.
I am wondering if I really want that me, or if that me simply wants her nice warm bed.
A clue lies in yesterday's events. I couldn't sleep and woke up at 4am when I decided that I couldn't lie there anymore worrying about my workload and other things that are bothering me right now. I was going to get up EARLY, and do some work. I did so. I savoured sitting in the dark for a while drinking tea, and then I did two hours work for my day job. It made a small dent in my to-do list, and I felt marginally better for the briefest of moments. The rest of the day was hell(yawn), but I felt a little bit better to have cleared some of the overwhelm.
Well. Thank you for joining me in my thought ramble. I do want to establish a morning routine whilst also steering clear of perfectionism and rigidity. So if I stay in bed some mornings it will not mean I don't rise early on the next. I will read and digest both of Leo's posts about habit change and try not to change everything all at once. I am still working on the diet and exercise changes so there is a lot going on right now.
Oh yes. Evening sunlight and a puppy? These were just two happenings that brightened my day today. This tree lives right outside my living room window, and tonight the sunlight on it was so beautiful it took my breath away(the photograph does not do it justice). The puppy? Ah just came across the little chap when visiting one of my clients. He was so tiny, with the cutest eyes you ever saw! Bedtime now after a long week. One of the habits I would like to keep and strengthen, is a daily gratiude practice. It reminds me to notice these small moments of joy and wonder during days when overwhelm and stress threaten to numb me.
Tomorrow is no alarm day so I will be sleeping until my body tells me different. Goodnight and have a great weekend.
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