Heart wandering.

" The path is not somewhere in the sky, it is in the heart."

- The Buddha

Evening sky - 19.3.18

Seeing the beauty of the sky, and of nature, it is hard to believe that the path is not in the sky. After a hard day at work I stopped to take these photographs of the evening sky on the way home. This seems to be becoming a weekly event doesn't it? Seeing this beauty helps me get in touch with my heart, and lifts me up away from the human world that can often be so ugly.

It was Monday night and the start of the week. Since Monday the week has become busier and busier at work, so not much opportunity to wander or to just look up at the sky since then. Maybe the sky just hasn't looked so spectacular on the other evenings, or I just hadn't been driving home at just the right time to catch this glorious sight. I really need these moments to make a space in my mind, and to help me breathe deeply.

Pink and Orange - 19.3.18

I try to remember to look up at the sky during the day and it is easier when the sky is blue. It reminds me of the beauty of life and fills me up when my energy is depleted. Taking a breath between visits to people in crisis, angry or in emotional pain is something I need to practise more. My heart needs it. The way of the heart that the Buddha speaks about is not just about "love", but about "heartbreak", about compassion and human suffering.Taking a breath helps me feel the emotions and consider the stories I am told. Sometimes, like yesterday, witnessing the sheer pain that someone is experiencing, reminds me that I am human and not a robot who is "part of a system".

It is a privilege for me, to be allowed into the homes and the lives of others, and to be able to hear their stories and try to help. But I am more often than not, the enemy to them as they try to continue meeting their own needs, because what I have to say can often challenge this. I find it hard but am becoming tougher. I was brought up to be too polite I think.

To show compassion and respect, balancing boundaries, dealing with conflicts, while often being verbally abused and disliked - it is draining. Also seeing other human beings at their lowest, in crisis and distress. A lot of the time I don't allow myself to feel the emotions fully, it would be too overwhelming. So when I do, like yesterday, I want to break out of my role and just help(rescue); or I feel helpless. It can be hard to stay focused on what my role requires of me sometimes and I get discouraged and feel that I cannot do this job well enough. 

It's true that I am tired, I have had my own issues going on for so long, and am only just coming through the other side. I look around me at the people I meet everyday, and wonder how on earth they are still alive with all they have had to face in their lives. Some are only young children themselves, or "broken" adults now trying to be parents themselves. 

The vastness and spaciousness of the sky helps to remind me about the way of the heart, to feel the connection to other human beings and to make sense at some level of all the suffering, ugliness and pain. It helps me to stay hopeful and compassionate. My heart is broken and my heart is open.

A Work In Progress

"When you love yourself and are kind enough to yourself to be who you reaslly are, you're showing others what they need to do in order to be free."

- Reb Anderson 

"In Town" - Sculpture by John Ravera, 
 near  Batterea Bridge(Thames Path) - April 2017

K is for......Karma. #AtoZChallenge2016

Karma

(overdue post from Wednesday 13th April)

"Karma moves in two directions. If we act virtuously, the seed we plant will result in happiness. If we act non-virtuously, suffering results." 

Sakyong Mipham 

After seeing a work colleague posting on Facebook about Karma and how she wanted someone to get their comeuppance for their bad actions, I've been thinking about Karma and everyday understanding of and use of the concept. 

I found this really helpful, if simplistic, distinction: -

Like anything based in fear, this leads to more suffering, confusion and disconnection. I've been feeling like the worst person for repeating patterns that might hurt others. My actions might cause suffering or harm to others directly or indirectly and I must be punished. The punishment occurs, in my case, just simply by my thoughts about what has led to a particular situation, and in the way I take too much responsibility for my part in such a situation. 

This quote from Pema Chodron helps.......(or does it?):

Then again if I see my actions and patterns, that might cause harm to others, as a learning experience, am I not just letting myself of the hook? Where does taking responsibility sit within the concept of Karma?

If I don't learn from the experience, or take away the wrong lesson from the experience and miss the point completely, then it will continue to repeat and cause myself and others suffering. Is it my responsibility to stop this pattern, or it is fate that it continues to repeat until I learn? If I haven't learned the lesson I cannot be responsible, but if I just don't care and continue on have I actually learned the lesson? Does karma take away our individual responsibility?  

As this article states, the topic of Karma is a vast one, and you could "spend years talking about it, and decades arguing about it." The article highlights that there are many theories of Karma and that "For the Buddha....it literally means action, the meaning of karma is intention, or intentionality. He equates karma with intention."

This quote from the article talks about Karma being about choices and consequences......

"So what do we do about that part of life when something is required of us? Buddha’s teachings about karma have a lot to do with this aspect of our lives, the places where we have choice, and how we make choices. The practice of mindfulness brings us to that place where we see that we have a choice. We want to be present for “what is,” but as we are present for “what is,” “what is” not static. “What is” is actually an ongoing process of change and movement. The present moment is part of a causal chain of cause and effect. There is cause and effect and the effect is a cause for the next thing. It just goes on and on. We can see ourselves in the great stream of cause and effect and we find ourselves here in the present moment in that stream, the stream of change and impermanence. The question is: how do we relate to this sea of change and impermanence?
Mindfulness is clear. We learn how to rest and be present and be mindful in what is going on this moment. Then we start seeing where we have choice, where the moment of choice is. If a person does not see choice, then there is no choice. If we live deluded, and we cannot see what is going on, then we don’t see that we have a choice about what we do with our lives. The more carefully we investigate, the more sensitive we get to the present moment, the more we see that there is a lot of choice each moment about how we react and respond and behave. The greater array of choice and places for choice that we can see, the more choice we have and the more responsibility we can take. If a person sees no choice in their life, sees no place where they can make a choice and make a difference, then people will just feel like victims of life. They think that their happiness, their well-being, their peace, is just caused by the sway of the causes and conditions around them in the world. So when the world is a good place, we can be happy. When the world is a bad place, when unfortunate things are happening, then we are unhappy. Our happiness is a slave to the causes and conditions that are external to us. But as we can see the places of choice, then we are not victims of circumstances. We can actually send influence on this causal chain of cause and effect. Does that make sense?
The teaching of karma has to do with the place of choice, the choices we make."

- Gil Fronsdal

 Later on the article addresses the understanding of Karma as a system of "natural justice" :  

  "......the question is: does everything that happens to us relate to our karma? Some teachings about karma say that everything that happens to us in this life is the result of our past karma. Whatever happens to you here is the result of past karma. The Buddha did not say that. What the Buddha said is that there is a big sea of cause and effect, and within that, there is a subcategory of cause and effect which has to do with a cause and effect of intentionality, of the intentions we act on. In the case of sickness, the Buddha did not attribute all sickness to karma. Sickness may happen just by logical conditions or by genetic conditions. You do not have to attribute the sickness to your karma. The Buddha also said that even if someone assaults you, like when you are in a war, it is not necessarily the result of your past karma. In a sense, it may just be bad luck—you happen to be born in certain place and time. There are many people who would like the teaching of karma to be a theory of justice. People really would like the world be a just place. Karma is one way of getting justice out of the world, because it guarantees that the sucker will get his due sooner or later. The idea here is that there is a wonderful correlation that every action has a karmic result, or every result has a karmic source. If someone has stolen from you, or has done something terrible to you, as a result you have became poor by the end of your life, while the offender has become rich and dies rich. We would like to think that the offender will get his just punishment in the next life. That is the balance–the confirmation of justice is maintained by having a theory of multiple lifetimes in which everything works out eventually. But I don’t think that the Buddhist idea of karma was meant to be a form of justice. It is not supposed to explain everything and why everything is happening the way it is." - Gil Fronsdal

 

The article goes on to talk about intentions and letting go, but I'm not going to quote anymore, just to say that intentionality and responsibility are central features of the Buddha's theory of Karma. 

"Karma is about action, non-action, responsibility, accountability and consequence." This article from Psychology Today talks further about choices, taking action and that there are no bad decisions, only the consequences of those decisions and your accountability and responsibility for these......

 "That's karma, plain and simple. Here, we get back to the notion of action -- not good or bad or anything else. Working out our karma means taking responsibility for the choices that we make and being accountable to those choices because every choice has a consequence."

 - Michael J. Formica

 

Staying kind and compassionate is a challenge sometimes, and it doesn't mean letting yourself or others off the hook; just understanding what is is to be human in all it's complexity.

Humour, lightness and fun help too - I love this fun article 19 ways to create good karma by Tanya Lee Markul.

Beginner's Mind - Day 23 of 31 Days of Change.

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”  

– Zen Master Shunryo Suzuki 

"I don't know" is a good one! Whenever you happen to hear yourself saying or thinking this--whatever you are doing at the time--it is a very good sign that insights and understandings are going to be coming up. In the troubled times of my life, I find it a great relief of stress when I can remember this: "I don't know."

People don't allow themselves this stance of "I don't know" often enough. This is because we always know, or we always think we know. Most of the time when people think they know, they don't really know at all. All they know are their past impressions of the situation that is happening now, the conclusions they came to on previous times, or judgments about similar events or circumstances that happened once upon a time.

Living with "I know" is a tremendous handicap that keeps us out of the present, and living in the past. It doesn't allow us anything new, no surprises, no insights, no discoveries. It doesn't allow us to unlock and understand any of the mysteries of the present moment, and it keeps us frozen in the judgments of the past.

That is why beginner's mind is a wonderful strategy for those who would like to learn about the deeper mysteries of life. It isn't easy! There's nothing people treasure as much as their brilliant opinions, unless it is their cherished beliefs. Yet these will not help us in finding these new dimensions of life that are to be found in schools like this.

Beginner's mind doesn't ask you to believe in anything in particular. It simply says put aside the beliefs you already have for a little while, and do the exercises the teachers suggest without beliefs or expectations, simply to see in your own direct experience whatever your experience of these exercises is.

And after the exercises are over, you can go right back to that shelf again. You can take back all of those opinions, all that reason and logic, all of those cherished beliefs--just the way you left them! You can put them right "back on" all over again. If there happen to have been some new insights, something new, never noticed before, something you've seen with your own eyes, or heard with your own ears, something you've smelled, or tasted, or felt with your own sensitive body, there is no problem about that. You can still leave with what you came in with. That choice is still up to you.

Quoted from:  Teaching Tools for Mindfulness Training

I have always struggled with "I don't know". When I hear myself saying this (which is quite a good deal if I am honest), I feel irritated. I have often struggled with the constant feeling I have had, that of always being a "beginner"; of always feeling "new"; of always being a stranger, even when I get to know people well. 

Fear of failure and lack of self-trust has gotten in the way of being able to "live life to the max with beginner's mind" . I have felt too hesitant and too fearful to really trust myself, or the universe and to let go and jump into life with full on love, excitement and joy. That longing was inside me all of these years, and would bubble up sometimes in certain circumstances when I felt safe. I really did believe in the possibilities and wonder of living life this way, I simply seemed unable to feel the joy in my heart. For a long time I was frozen, immobile and afraid. I did not know who I was and could not "be myself", though other people often advised me that this was the way to be happy.

It finally seems as if this year I am becoming more open to the possibilities and more myself than ever before.

Monday Meditation - Tonglin, Pema Chodron

"We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves - the heavy-duty fearing that we're bad and hoping that we're good, the identities we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealously, and the addictions of all kinds - never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake. Looking at ourselves this way is very different from our usual habit. From this perspective we don't need to change; you can feel as wretched as you like, and you're still a good candidate for enlightenment. You can feel like the world's most hopeless basket case, but that feeling is your wealth, not something to be thrown out or improved upon. There's a richness to all of the smelly stuff that we so dislike and so little desire. The delightful things - what we love so dearly about ourselves, the places in which we feel some sense of pride or inspiration - these are also our wealth."

"When we hear about compassion, it naturally brings up working with others, caring for others. The reason we're often not there for others - whether for our child or our mother or someone who is insulting us or someone who frightens us - is that we're not there for ourselves. There are whole parts of ourselves that are so unwanted that whenever they begin to come up we run away."

"All these practices(basic sitting meditation, tonglen, and the practice of working with slogans) awaken our trust that the wisdom and compassion that we need are already within us. They help us to know ourselves: our rough parts and our smooth parts, our passion, aggression, ignorance, and wisdom. The reason that people harm other people, the reason the planet is polluted and people and animals are not doing too well these days is that individuals don't know or trust themselves enough.The technique of sitting meditation called shamatha-vipashyana(tranquillity-insight) is like a golden key that helps us to know ourselves."

All quotes are from Chapter 1:(no escape, no problem) of Pema Chodron's book, "Start where you are; how to accept yourself and others."

Monday Meditation - Connection

Waking up in the morning
I vow with all beings
to listen to those whom I love,
especially to things they don't say.

Lighting a candle for Buddha
I vow with all beings
to honor your clear affirmation:
"Forget yourself and you're free."

When I stroll around in the city
I vow with all beings
to notice how lichen and grasses
never give up in despair

Watching a spider at work
I vow with all beings
to cherish the web of the universe:
touch one point and everything moves.

When the racket can't be avoided
I vow with all beings
to close my eyes for a moment
and find my treasure right here.

With tropical forests in danger

I vow with all beings

to raise hell with the people responsible
and slash my consumption of trees.

Watching gardeners label their plants
I vow with all beings
to practice the old horticulture
and let plants identify me.

On reading the words of Thoreau
I vow with all beings
to cherish our home-grown sages
who discern the perennial Way.

Falling asleep at last
I vow with all beings
to enjoy the dark and the silence
and rest in the vast unknown.

Taken from: The Dragon Who Never Sleeps: Verses for Buddhist Practice 

by Robert Aitken.

Growing on the rocks - June 2011

Monday Meditation - Heart Sutra Buddhist Chant

"The Heart Sutra (Prajnaparamita) is one of the most universal Buddhist chants in the world. It is a classic chant recited among both the Mahayana, Zen and Vajrayana/Tibetan Buddhists. This is powerful chant, especially when played/chanted around the full moon, new moon and for uplifting the heart."

Translations available here.

Monday Meditation

A Gatha for Watching Television

Watching the evening news,

I know it is my story.

Breathing in calmly,

I hold us all in compassion.

By Thich Nhat Hanh

(Found here.)

Monday Meditation - Emptiness

A New Training for A New Year - Maitri and Being A Warrior.

A broken chain.
Taken on my New Year's Eve walk along the beach.

"In essence the practice is always the same: instead of falling prey to a chain reaction of revenge or self hatred, we gradually learn to catch the emotional reaction and drop the story lines."

"This complete acceptance of ourselves as we are is called Maitri, a simple, direct relationship with the way we are."

"Trying to change ourselves does not work in the long run because we are resisting our own energy. Self-improvement can have temporary results, but lasting transformation occurs only when we honor ourselves as the source of wisdom and compassion. We are, as the eighth-century Buddhist master Shatideva pointed out, very much like a blind person who finds a jewel burried in a heap of garbage. Right here in what we'd like to throw away, in what we find repulsive or frightening, we discover the warmth and clarity of bodhichitta."

"Only when we relate with ourselves without moralizing, withut harshness, without deception, can we let go of harmful patterns. Without maitri, renuniciation of old habits becomes abusive. This is an important point."

"The irony is that what we most want to avoid in our lives is crucial to awakening bodhichitta. These juicy emotional spots are where a warrior gains wisdom and compassion. Of course we'll want to get out of those spots far more often than we'll want to stay. That's why self-compassion and courage are vital. Staying with pain without loving-kindness is just warfare."

(All quotes are taken from Chapter Four and Five of "The Places that Scare You" by Pema Chodron.)