August Break catch up - signs and symbols.

Day 18 - One Regret 

"Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened, into the rose garden. My words echo thus in your mind."

- T.S. Elliot 

Day 19 - Wooden 

Day 20 - I love 

Day 20 - I love.

Day 20 - I love.

Day 21 - Monochrome 

Day 22 - Brave 

 "There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater. 

But sometimes it doesn't. 

Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of everyday, the slow walk towards a better life. 

That is the sort of bravery I must have now." 

- Veronica Roth

"I learned that Courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is no he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

- Nelson Mandela 

Day 23 - A sign. 

"The Rowan tree has a long, sacred history. Since ancient times people have been planting a Rowan beside their home as in Celtic mythology it's known as the Tree of Life and symbolises courage, wisdom and protection." 

All around the area where I was walking on this afternoon I came across the bright red berries of the Rowan Tree, which was my favourite tree from childhood. The Rowan tree is said to bring cheer, nourishment, courage, protection and wisdom. 

Day 23 - A sign. 

Day 23 - A sign 

Day 23 - A sign.

Day 23 - A Sign.

Day 23 - A sign.

So many signs on this day, too many to post! I love exploring a new place and so having a few days to do this on my annual leave it amazing. I saw lots of signs telling all about the history of the area, which I will hopefully post about another day, but also this Amnesty International candle sign reminding me of who I am and what I believe in. It's more than ever a time to reconnect with that part of me and to take action. 

On days like these - a meditation for self-forgiveness.

 I'm writing today.  

Just a few words here. 

If I don't write these words the moment will be gone. 

This is not the time to worry about perfection, or even excellence. Just getting the words onto the page in a way that helps me process is enough for today. 

Something happened this week that took me back to that "broken-heart" place, where I started to reside when I realised that some brush stokes can never be painted over. What is done is done. 

This is not a time to feel sorry for myself, this is not a self-pitying post. Rather a desperate attempt to create meaning out of something that feels so terrible to me. 

It is something that I created. My fault. Something I try every day to make amends for, though I know that it is impossible to put right. 

I live everyday knowing this. 

Making meaning? Impossible to make meaning from my actions from the past. 

A reminder brings me back into the overwhelm and realisation of the consequences of my actions for both myself and others. 

Sometimes it is hardly there. Just a tiny spot in the periphery of my mind's eye. So tiny. Or perhaps it seems so small due to the largeness of the life I have built around it; and due to my love of life; and my belief and hope in goodness and love. 

Then there are days like these. 

Days when I have to dig really deep to keep hopeful and when I just feel tired of the struggle. 

They say "just stop struggling" and accept it the way it is. 

It is on these days that I realise that I thought I had stopped struggling. 

Days like these bring me back to prayer and meditation. 

Sing a long a Saturday - "You don't think so, but we're all the same."

 

More Summer Days - The August Break 2021

Day 7 - glass 

Day - 7 My own stained glass creation.

Day 10 - Lavender 

Day 11 - One Wish... for a helicopter.. ha ha! Joke. 

Day 12 - Roses... on the ceiling. 

Day 13 - I crave...connection....laughter.

Day 14 - Vintage...babies

Day 15 - Fox...lazy Sunday afternoon.

Day 15 - Fox...The Book Of Life

Day  16 - Favourite smell... one of them.

Day 17 - Scissors - you handed me the scissors.

 

It really is my August Break starting today!

I've been playing along with Susannah Conway's August Break 2021 on Instagram as usual this summer. Instagram is my preferred social media hangout these days, I love the simplicity of taking a photo a day when I am busy in the real world. It helps me reflect on my day and keep track of memories that my mind might lose in the whirlwind of days. 

I am glad to have some head space to come back to my blog again, and to get me into the swing of posting I thought I would post some of my photos so far from the August Break photo challenge. 

The world news is really grim at the moment isn't it? I wanted to post about all of that but couldn't find the words. My heart and mind are holding the people of Afghanistan, and all those affected by the news who have lost loved ones in the armed forces over the period of the conflict. Also thinking about Haiti and the people affected by the earthquake. 

Day 1 - Window 

"Music is critical in our lives and culture. It's the inspiration that drives us. It's also the window to our souls. It's a reflection as to who we are, what we stand for and where we're going." 

- Bill Walton

Day 2 - Heart 

Day3 - Turquoise 

"A turquoise given by a loving hand carries with it happiness and good fortune." - Arabic proverb

"Turquoise is a purification stone.  It dispels negative energy and can be worn to protect against outside influences or pollutants in the atmosphere.  Turquoise balances and aligns all the chakras, stabilising mood swings and instilling inner calm.  It is excellent for depression and exhaustion, it also has the power to prevent panic attacks.  Turquoise promotes self-realisation and assists creative problem solving.  It is a symbol of friendship, and stimulates romantic love."

Day 4 - Where I live 

Day 4 - Where I live 2

Day 5 - Bicycle

Bicycles and me... a history.

I always wanted a bike when I was a child. My older sister had a beef with our dad about a bike he bought her. She refused to ride it. My Dad once rode that bike down to the park to look for me when I went off as a tot with the bigger kids without permission. I recall him riding red faced down the hill towards us as we were coming home.
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So later on my brother in law and other older older sister bought me a second hand bike done up for my birthday I think. I was about 14. My friend and I ride our bikes all around the town that summer. She went over my handle bars when we'd swapped bikes one day, and broke her collar bone.
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When I worked in London aged 19 I used to ride a bike into the centre every Wednesday to go to the public records office. I was tracing my family tree. Then I would ride it at weekends barefoot around all of the green places in London.. commons and parks.
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During the pandemic someone lent me a bike and I reconnected with the joy of cycling.
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I have a new friend who has also had a long love affair with bicycles... we now go riding out together. ❤️

Time off work time

Hello. It's time off work time. My second day today of annual leave. So why am I still working? 

So I'm sitting here this morning and wondering what to do with my time off work time. I'm feeling very tired and my brain feels very foggy indeed. 

Yesterday I read a blog post  by one of my old favourites who is still here on my reading list. Leo Babauta reminded me of what I can do when things feel scattered, and then this morning I read another blog that I used to like to visit where the writer had made a to do list and crossed thing off.  I do make lists, yes, every now and again. 

I tend to have my work list in my head most of the time. It's been so busy and feels relentless.

Once again here I am finding myself lamenting about the mess of my life outside work and hitting my leave still working and feeling exhausting. 

So making a list is what I need to do today, then a smaller list which will help me make the most of my time off work time. That is after I finish my work! 

It's very odd, usually I have lots of plans to travel here or there, or people I want to see and spend time with, but this time I haven't made any concrete plans. There is that feeling of concern and fear around the edges of my thinking, that I might "waste" my time off work time. That old familiar feeling of not knowing what to do with my time, and of course that feeling of dread for the end of the time coming too soon. 

Hopefully making a list will help... 

One thing that is at the top of my list, is coming here to write everyday. Even if it is just a post like yesterday with a song or a link to an interesting article.

As I was sitting here this morning, a thought crossed my mind which was "my life these days, is much further away from "me", than it ever has been before." That is something to give time to thinking about and putting right during this time off work time. 

I look forward to reconnecting with myself here and other places. The sound of a waterfall I visited in August 2019 reminds me of ways to do this. 

Sing a long a Saturday - Mika's new performance of Heroes ( I love Beirut)

A message from Mika last week on the one year anniversary of the Beirut blast and a new performance of his song Heroes:

 " Originally inspired by the A.E. Housman poem “The lads in their hundreds” Heroes, speaks of the challenges of conflict and the more hidden victims of disasters and violence. The hidden victims, survivors, far from everyone’s eyes and ears.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to give you a bit of info on how the 1m Euros raised last year was used by Lebanese Red Cross and Save The Children. Lebanese Red Cross used funds to provide immediate assistance to 15,000 affected people for Health, Emergency Medical Services, Blood Transfusion Services and Basic Assistance through the provision of food and Non Food Items distribution. Your donations contributed to the 39804 Ambulance missions, 20838 distributed blood units, food parcels and hygiene kits to more than 20,000 households and support of 15,000 people with Primary Health Care. And with the help of your donations Save The Children were able to: Provide 16,800 hot meals to families, help 535 families to repair their homes, give 5,000 kits with equipment to help clear the debris and rubble from the streets, help 236 families with cash for rent and provide multi-purpose cash transfers to 1,914 households plus support for small and medium businesses, benefitting their families and communities. Donations also helped provide mental health and psychological support to 1,358 people and one-to-one support to 277 children, give children kits, including learning resources, games and activities for their wellbeing and mental health, provide 1,250 disinfection kits to help families and 1,143 menstrual hygiene kits for women. Thank you again to all of you who were so generous. Of course if you want to get involved again there is further information available via Lebanese Red Cross and Save The Children."