Day 13: Soundtrack of 2016. #DecemberReflections 2016

 Let her down easy - George Michael
This was playing in my car a lot in January 2016, after one day on the way to work it just caught hold of my heart.

I was thinking of Mr Stayingawake when I listened, as his daughter (my stepdaughter) was having some difficulties. We've spent much of 2016 worrying about her from afar.

Runnin - Beyonce and friends.
 This reminds me of driving too fast and rushing around trying to get places on time, as much of this year has involved a lot of this. Apart from when I hit a wall (not literally) in April.

Realising once again in 2016, that I can't run away from myself with work and busyness.

Photograph - Ed Sheeran
This one is there in the background too, as we spend precious time with our family and think about the past 13 years we've been together and the challenges there have been on the family front.

Theme from Dinner ladies - Victoria Wood.
 From 20th April 2016 onwards this was very present in the soundtrack of 2016.
Victoria Wood seemed to capture the world she had come from, our ordinary Northern working world, and this would have been her fate too if she hadn't been able to unlock that talent that was inside her.
"Getting up, getting out, getting on, getting going.... wears away at the dreams that you hold in your heart."

A Million Years Ago - Adele.
Once again a track first heard in the car, in the car park at work; where on my return after being ill I had sat wondering if I could actually bring myself to walk back through those doors.
I was still feeling very regretful and full of shame and sorrow for the person that I felt I had become.

 Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse
"Love is a losing game, one I wish I never played, Oh what a mess we made."

A thousand hallelujahs - The Shires
 Another driving tune. Some days are feeling very joyful again.

 Just give me a reason - Pink.
Someone I met this year has reminded me how much I love Pink.

My Kind of Love - Emeli Sande 
Reminding myself how much I love music.

Never Buy The Sun - Billy Bragg
Reminding myself about justice.

Keeping the Dream Alive - Freiheit
"The game will never be over because we're keeping the dream alive." 
What a year! Brexit and Trump, Calais and Syria.....the murder of Jo Cox MP.

 Quicksand - Tom Chaplin
Heard an acoustic version of this on the radio when in the car on the way to work on morning in December and was hooked. He wrote it for his daughter he said......sweet and heartbreaking all at the same time.
That's life eh?

 Hardened Heart - Tom Chaplin
I just love this so much!
This along with The Dinner Ladies Theme are the main tracks on my 2016 soundtrack.

Take me to Church - Sinead O'Connor
Sinead is a good way to go into the New Year - always someone giving courage and inspiration.

Eight Good Reasons - Sinead O'Connor

Goodbye 2016 and Happy New Year to all in blogland. 

Day 21 - Solstice Sunset. #DecemberReflections 2016

Sunset today was around 4.15pm. I was in meetings all afternoon. One of these involved much sadness and it was a difficult day in many ways, it did allow some emotional relief.

When I came out just after 4.30pm and saw this tree in the town centre and the little star(or satellite) in the sky just above the buildings, I felt a letting go beginning. A slight glimmer of something coming, just in sight but still very far away.

Later in the evening I wasn't feeling that light beginning, due to being very tired and feeling unwell. I snapped at Mr Stayingawake and felt very resentful towards my work which seems to sap my energy and health.

It is very important that I find a different way forward and savour the lengthening days now. It has been very dark for much of 2016, but I'm not intending to stay in the dark without a fight.

There is the danger that the fear I always feel about the future, and my regrets for past mistakes, will mean I allow this season of my life to continue in the same way. I'm going to need to gather my strength and resolve over these resting days of the Christmas period.

Here is some music from the amazing Sinead O'Connor to help anyone needing to gather some strength today.

Months in Music

Hello. Well, so much for me checking in here at least once a month! It's been as hectic as ever around here, and with cherries on the top. May and June saw me mostly driving, studying and surviving the very fast pace of learning. Right now I am ready for a break.

It feels good to be back here in blogland, although right now I am finding it difficult to recognise myself in this place. I'm feeling quite naked and exposed too, after taking myself apart a bit during the course so far. This break it will be useful to explore this a little more and start build myself back up again.

May also saw Mr Greenfinger's first Grandchild born, I suppose that make's me a Grandma too. I have actually been feeling and acting, like Grandma - that all feels a little fragile too.

MrGreenfingers has been being very patient and supportive(again), as I follow yet another of my grand ideas. As my time has been totally taken up with the demands of the course, we have had little time to spend together. 

It's good to have a break in which to gain balance again. Time to remember the importance of those rituals, routines, people and activities that keep me grounded and sane.

May.....

June....

Appreciations and Hopes - Sinead O'Connor

Following these past few days where I have suddenly become aware of the recent attempted suicide, and further distress of Sinead O'Connor, I want to give some appreciations today for her music and voice.

One of my most favourite music artists, Sinead has been close to my heart for many years; since 1987 in fact (the year I became a mother). This year is her 25th year of making music, one where she has a new album and is singing the title track for a new film released this month. My hopes are that she recovers from this episode and can find some peace.

On My Radio.

As I was driving to work yesterday in the very grey, foggy morning, a song by the wonderful Alison Moyet came on the car radio and I was transported back in time. I'd only recently seen her perform on the TV on New Year's Eve and really enjoyed listening again.

I hardly ever listen to music these days and I always used to. As I was driving I started to think about all the wonderful female vocalists and musicians that I love so much and promised myself a "fab female-voice fest" tonight. Just a few here. A bit of a lazy blog post but inspiring to listen to on a weary Friday night.



Dancing Lessons

This song speaks to me today and I am listening.

I feel I am having dancing lessons these days. It's such a joyful song!