How the Grinchy Me was in danger of stealing my peace! (or lessons being learned..... repeat, repeat, repeat)

The Ginchy Me has been out and about since my last post, freezing up my heart, and leaving little peace on earth here at Staying Awake towers. I'm not really sure how she got out of her dungeon....but out she has been with a vengeance; leaving me no space for reverb11 reflections, full of shame and with little idea or capacity for banishing her back whence she came!

Today I came home from work early, and took myself up to bed, where Grinchy Me could do no more damage. After sleeping for a few hours, I awoke to huge, sorry for myself tears, flooding down my cheeks and with no let up in sight.

It seems to have done me some good(and everyone else too). After driving through the rain yesterday, then today the same, with an added soaking from wind fuelled waves crashing over the barrier onto the road, I realised that this softening was just what I had been longing for. A great outpouring of the sadness that was behind the appearance of this much more developed and very ugly, 2011 version of Grinchy Me.

I decided to have a little wander and a read over on the Spirituality and Practice site, I looked down the list of practices and stopped at "Hospitality". We have had a house guest staying with us for the past two weeks and he will still be with us for another week. Whilst I normally love having guests, something about this happening has awoken Grinchy Me, whilst my more mindful self has fallen back to sleep for a while. Or had. Until today thank goodness.

As I read the introduction to the spiritual practice of Hospitality, I was shocked to read that this practice was a balance to criticalness and hostility, traits I have been feeling and perhaps showing in the past few days(if not to our guest then to Mr Staying awake).Not at all in the spirit of this season, nor how I would normally regard myself!

As I read this passage (from the website above), I felt a failure in all I have intended myself to be.....

We are practicing hospitality when we welcome guests — including strangers and enemies — into our lives with graciousness. An open house reveals certain things about us: we are well-disposed toward others, we focus on the positive, and we believe the universe is basically a friendly place.

 I felt hypocritical, as I often regard myself as a very tolerant person. I was nose to nose with the worst of my humanness, not the best of it! I am really being tested and all I have achieved is to make a  very miserable me and a sorely tried Mr S! Our house guest is not someone I would normally choose to spend my time with, however, he deserves to be given my best(or as close to it as i can get) for the time he is with us. He deserves to be shown compassion, and acceptance where he is in life. I can make it a big deal, or I can smile, lighten up, gently affirm my boundaries and show the Grinchy Me with her hard, closed heart, how to love.

"Boundaries allow us to give more to others, not less. Boundaries do not exclude the other; in fact, if you become a person with actual boundaries, you are better able to give to other people because you do not feel diminished by them. Giving is a joy because you want to give, and not because someone has manipulated you and you gave in." 

Homan and Pratt (Radical Hospitality)

 I am back. Our house guest is happy. Mr S is let off the hook. And the Grinchy Me is accepted, allowed a place at the table, within strict boundaries and with some compassion. A happy ending after all.

A Quiet Boxing Day - Counting Blessings.

December 18th 2010

I'm late with my good wishes to those who visit here - but better late than never, as the saying goes.

Hoping that you all enjoyed the festivities, for those of you who celebrate Christmas in whatever way that you celebrate. For those also who enjoy other winter festivals too....hoping that much fun was had.

We can spend so much time in the run up to Christmas(that was me) or during the cooking of the dinner(that was Mr S), trying to make everything our version of perfect;  that we lose sight of what is important at any festival or celebration.......love, laughter and the gathering together.

I'm counting my blessings today.....for gatherings, family, our health,
busy-ness, quiet,
work, play,
laughter,
memories......
those who are missing today but were once with me,
that they touched me once, their blessings kissing me;
for the present moment,
a warm place to sleep and live,
food in my tummy, choice, freedom,
joy, and sorrow,
struggle and peace.

So many blessings I cannot possibly count them all. 

Wishing everyone many, many blessings...... for peaceful and joyful times in the days ahead.

Comfort and Joy

Reverb 11 day 19:  

What were the unexpected sources of joy and comfort in 2011?

May 2011

 Yoga.

Art Journalling.

Seeking the spiritual dimension. Readings here.

Some new blogging friends who all have a very strong Christian faith.....which I do not....they are(to me) very unexpected sources of joy and comfort.....and often set me questing, or leave me feeling inspired, joyful, comforted or peaceful.

I see you!

Reverb 11 Day 18:  

Please post your favourite picture of yourself from 2011, self-portrait or otherwise!

March 2011

Me, at John Radcliffe Hospital.....appreciating.....soaking it all in....noticing.....alone....healing. 

Feeling small in the huge building, walking down long corridors, waiting.....time suspended.

Hope

Reverb 11 day 17 :  

What gave you the greatest cause for hope in 2011?

February 2011

  In 2011 I saw so many examples of human courage, compassion and love, and this gave me so much hope.

Here is one. 

There are so many more examples that I could post.
You cannot fail to see these beautiful hearts, they are all around us.

Let us give something to each person we meet: joy, courage, hope, assurance, or philosophy, wisdom, a vision for the future. Let us always give something.

- Daisaku Ikeda

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.

- Helen Keller

Lost and Found 2011

Reverb 11 Day 16:   

What was lost in 2011? 

What do you intend to find in 2012?

March 2011

Found myself out of work at the end of March this year, after seven years with the same employer.

February 2011

Between February and June, I identified and began to lose, some old patterns that hadn't served me well for most of my adult life. Thankfully, I also lost some of the fear that I had previously allowed to prevent me from being fully alive. I lost myself for a while, or rather I lost the me I thought I was. 

I discovered, re-discovered, and still am doing so...the depths of me......everything I love.....the richness of life...and that I am worthy of all of this....how much I love being alive.....how much joy there is......how to stop judging and start loving......to let go.....hands in the air and down the rollercoster......to relax with myself.....to savour.....the richness.....the beauty.....all of those moments. I discovered that one thing that had eluded me all these years.....how to be myself.....freedom......laughter......live.......forgive.......make amends.....give....love.....

If I could bottle it

Reverb 11 Day 15 : 

What moment of 2011 do you wish you could bottle, to relive again and again?  

What moment made you feel the most alive? 

How did that moment change you?

 

August 2011

There is Mr S in the background, pulling a funny face, as I very seriously take a photograph of this caterpillar on the window.

If truth be told, it's moments like this one, that I wish I could bottle, and there are so many of them. Despite all of the things that might break someone's spirit. Mr S keeps coming back with the smiles and the laughs. Reminding me not to take myself so seriously.

Reminding me about what's important in life.

Reminding me how dear he is and how big his heart. 

Reminding me to live, love, laugh....now.

These moments have changed me. 

How I wish they could change me even more.

Today's prompt reminds me how precious these moments are.

Some of the voices, and events that were music to my ears in 2011

Reverb 11 Day 14:   

What was music to your ears in 2011, literally or metaphorically?

Steve Coogan dealing with a Tabloid journalist during the phone hacking scandal earlier this year. Not exactly soothing to listen to, but it really was music to my ears! 

Then Billy Bragg singing his response to the phone hacking scandal the day after the story broke. As a big fan of Billy in earlier times, this quick writing and performing of "Never Buy the Sun" was bitter sweet music to my ears in 2011.

The announcement that the Dale Farm eviction had been granted a reprieve..... sadly the situation did end very badly, but for that morning it was good news; and like the traveller lady speaking here, my hopes were raised that in the end, this eviction would not take place.

This......

And this.......

And this.....

And this.

So many voices and events. Too many to remember here. A note to myself to listen carefully in 2012.

Creative me

Day 13 Prompt: 

What was your greatest creative accomplishment in 2011?

ICAD Summer Challenge. June - August 2011

Being creative everyday during most of June, and all of July and August by taking part in the ICAD summer challenge, was my greatest creative accomplishment this year. I stuck at it even when I became busy with a new job....no masterpieces...but being creative everyday really helped bring me back to discovering what I enjoy. 

It may be that after tomorrow evening I will have finished my first attempt at a Stained Glass panel .....and I'm pretty proud of accomplishing that too.....attending a class with strangers was hard, as was not throwing the blasted thing across the room when the glass wouldn't do what I wanted it to do. Funnily enough, though some weeks I dreaded going back to continue working on the piece, once I started work, I became fully engrossed and didn't want to leave it at the end of the session. Glass may not be my medium of choice again however.....or maybe it will.

Day 12 - Surprise!

Day 12 prompt - What surprised you most in 2011?

 Cascade Donjon(man made waterfall) dans le Parc Du Chateau, Nice - Oct 2011

In 2012 I was surprised by.....

Just how much I loved Nice. Just how much there is to be thankful for. By the good qualities you notice in a person when you take the time to look that little bit more carefully. By how quickly things can become so different.....one day you turn your head for a second and you notice someone looking older. By the inner strength that people have, to cope with each of their very diverse stories....by just how much each one of them is carrying. By the sweetness of homemade jam, the gooeyness of homecooked cake, the smell of the soil and how good it feels to work together, to help someone you love with something they love. By an invitation accepted. By my best and my worst. By the world's best and the world's worst. By rain. By sunshine. By birdsong. By light on a leaf. By the name of a flower. By the way you cannot see the top of that tree, or wrap your arms all the way around it's trunk. By the moon. By friendship. By words. By a little street fighter. By the hardness of hearts, and the gentleness of hearts. By the sharpness of glass. By looking at the clock to see it's time to stop again. By the taste of salt on my lips after a walk by the sea. By changes coming our way....by history repeating. By anger and blame. By injustice. By courage.

Risk

Reverb Day 11:   

What was the greatest risk you took in 2011?

Injured Robin - April 2011

Risk

We put our hearts out there. 

Our hearts were already broken,

Mending but broken.

We offered ourselves to do something wonderful. 

It was a scary thing.

It would take strong hearts to do this.

We helped each other to work through the challenge.

It was a beautiful chance,

And we wanted it so much.

Our hearts were fluttering,

With excitement and fear.

This would be such a gift for us and for others. 

We were badly hurt when our beautiful chance was taken away.

Hearts broken again,

We lay still.

In a little while,

We stood up and

Limping a little,

Walked on.

Write for Rights

Letters from Amnesty International on Vimeo.
On 10 December 1948, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), the first global enunciation of human rights was adopted by the United Nations. Human Rights Day  has been marked each 10th December since 1950. In 2011 the theme of Human Rights Day is the honouring of all human rights defenders and a call for individuals to get involved in the global human rights movement.

December 10th - Pasta, Oh how I love you.

Italy - September 2010

Reverb Day 10: 
Kat's question for the day - "What was the most extraordinary dish you sampled in 2011? What made it so magical? (It needn't be the most extravagant dish, just the one that knocked your socks off with its flavour, texture, aroma, freshness, colour, significance… whatever.)"

For three nights in Italy this September, we ate the most delicious pasta. Significant because pasta is one of my favourites and one of Mr Stayingawake's least favourite dishes; but this pasta......mmmmmm...even Mr S had to admit how wondrous it was....melt in the mouth......heaven. We even spoke about making our own pasta when we came home. As yet we have still to try this....another for 2012.

Day 9 - Favourites 2011

As I have been playing along with this reverb11 journaling project , as well as blogging using reverb worthy prompts from Kat's blog, I thought I'd combine Day 4 from the journaling project, with Day 9 from Reverb Worthy as they overlapped somewhat. Confused?

Day 9 prompt asks.....What was the best book you read in 2011?

While Day 4 journal prompt was .......Did you discover a favourite song or musical artist in 2011? What is it? Where did you discover it? Does it hold any special meaning for you? If you do not listen to music, how about your favourite book or author? Or artist across all mediums?

Here are my journal pages which log some of my new besties from 2011.

Day Four cover page

What I noticed by thinking about these two prompts, was what little new music I had actually listened to this year. I've been listening to old favourites quite a bit, then I discovered a new to me band called The Weepies, who I had not heard before(I know where I have been since 2003?). I am enjoying them right now and the lyrics are from their song "Somebody Loved".

I also noticed just how much I have been reading but how limited my reading matter has been. I've either been reading something "easy in bed", or self-help or spiritual books mainly, with some non-fiction on the side. I haven't been reading as much as I used to. However the internet is a bit of a trap, I spend lots of time reading online, then have no energy left for more reading! Something I want to remedy next year, and I have an inkling how Santa might help me with this. ;)

The back of day four cover with fab lyric. Then on the opposite page are two favourites from this year.

The best book I read this year has to be Brene Brown's "The Gift's of Imperfection", it really helped me at the start of the year when I was struggling. I have also reread it several times and continue to refer back to it, again and again.

Other books read and adopted this year are......

Carol Pearson - Twelve Archetypes to help us find ourselves and transform our world.
Phil Chapman - Wild China.
Susan Sontag - On Photography.
Marina Lewycka - A Short History of Tractors In Ukrainian.
Nick Hornby - Juliet Naked.
Sally Brampton - Shoot The Damn Dog.
Pema Chodron - The Places that Scare You.

The back of day four entry with two more favourites. Day five is not quite ready yet, getting a bit behind.

I have probably spent more time in art galleries or in viewing art installations in unusual places this year, than I have doing anything else. I can't get enough. Mr S and I were in Nice in October and I dragged him kicking and screaming to the Museum of Modern Art. We were only in Nice a few days and Mr S wanted to see other things, so the visit to the Museum was a whistle stop one, after a long morning in the sun. We were quite worn out already by the time we arrived, but I walked every inch of the place and had to eventually be pulled away.

A new(again new to me) favourite visual artist I discovered there is Niki de Saint Phalle. I am now reading and viewing everything I can to learn more about her work. The photograph in my journal was of one of the pieces from her Californian Diary - Dear Diary series, that we saw in Nice. I found this interesting video where she talks about her work.

 

Day 8 - Positive Change

Kat's Reverb11 Prompt  -  Day 8 

What positive change have you made this year:

* in your health?
* in how you relate to your body?
* in your self talk?
* in how you relate to the world?

There were lots of positive changes this year......here are eight for December 8:

1. Getting real. I began to let go of what other people think. I took some time off work after being unwell for some time and just continuing on. I let go of trying to do and be everything to all people. I relinquished control and allowed others to step in. I stopped paddling frantically beneath the surface, whilst trying to make it look effortless. This was a really positive change and totally unheard of for me. I admitted I needed to stop, that I was overwhelmed, and that my health was more important than anything else.

2. Looking kindly. Speaking kindly. I began to stop telling myself that I wasn't enough. I began to learn to look compassionately at myself and to learn to love who I am with all my light and shadow. I realised that true compassion for others is not possible without first having that for myself. I stopped being harsh with my self and began to become more self aware, curious and understanding.

3. Saying no. Saying yes. I began to recognise that compassion needs boundaries, and that I had always struggled with boundaries. In my work and in my personal life, my own boundaries were not clearly defined which had led to many problems of overwhelm. I needed to get to know my values again and what was important to me and why. Accepting my own limits, without limiting myself, meant getting to know who I was all over again. Letting go of survival mode, and welcoming in the feeling of really being alive was a big breakthrough.

4. Balance and stretch. I began going to Yoga class and discovered what my body could do. I started to notice my body's needs and my body's wants. I noticed how I tended to push my body to do things it couldn't and didn't want to do. I learnt more about boundaries, when to gently extend myself and when to be content and let my body off the hook. I became kinder to my body and for the first time learnt truly what was nourishment and what was abuse. I can hear my body now when I am quiet and still. I smiled and laughed at myself much more often.

5. Acceptance. I began to accept who I am and who others are. I began to stop wanting them to complete or validate me. I started to listen more, to talk less, to ask more questions, to be more present for others. I began to let go of anxiety when I am with other people. I laughed a great deal.

6. Artsy. Crafty.Creative. I started to paint, draw, collage....and to try out lots of different crafts. These were things I loved to do as a child. I started to play again. Just for the fun of it. I made jam and pickles for the first time. I baked cakes again. I helped grow vegetables and fruit again, and enjoyed cooking with these. I sang, laughed and danced much more often.

7. Coffee. I cut down my coffee intake. Long overdue.

8. Reaching out. Connection. I began to reach out more to others. Offering more of myself to the world. Rewriting the story. This is probably the change that is one of the hardest. Recognising that I have much to offer and being brave enough to do so, without needing to be perfect or wishing I was someone else. Knowing that my unique offering is irreplaceable, and that so are the offerings of others.

Looks like 2011 has been a beautiful year for change.

There has been lots of play and so much more laughter.

"Play keeps us vital and alive. It gives us an enthusiasm for life that is irreplaceable. Without it, life just doesn't taste good."

Lucia Capocchione


Reverb11 - Day 7

Day 7 prompt was What guidance did you receive from your higher self in 2011?

I've been wracking my brains for something to write for this prompt. It's 10.30 pm and I am still drawing a blank. Not helped by a really busy day sorting out bills for someone I work with, then a frantic rush across town to try to get to a late appointment; and another frantic rush back across town to search the shops for paint, bowls, shelving and lampshades before the shops shut(because of course all of these items are essential for a happy Christmas...not).

I'm too tired to go upstairs and search the computer for an image to add here and a quote that is just right too. I chose to go into the kitchen and paint a radiator cabinet instead. My nostrils are full of paint fumes, my head is aching just a little from them and it's time for bed.

I know that my higher self did send guidance during 2011, but most times her messages are simply drowned out by all of the other noise going on. I think the time I had home this year and not working, really helped me to get in touch with a higher self. Going to Yoga class for the very first time ever and taking up a practice, really allowed me to get more in touch with my body and my spirit, after a long time living in my head. Walking also helped with this too. Sadly after six months back at work, I almost feel back to square one with it all.....almost.....thank goodness......not at square one.

To be honest, in May I did receive the most wonderful guidance....right now I cannot recall what I was doing...I wish I could weave a story around it that would really mark this happening.

It was simply through a series of readings I had been doing, all leading me to recognise that I knew the shadow part of me so well, but that I had no idea of the light.

It really hit me just what I had been doing to myself for so many years. I was ashamed, sorrowful and overjoyed at the same time.

Ashamed that I had allowed myself to become so small, mean and closed up; and that all that I had wanted to become in life, had not been realised because of this.

Sorrowful because I had missed opportunities to shine, being so identified with and consumed by my shadow.

Overjoyed because I had found the light in me, and was able to start to make it stronger. The shadow had become more manageable and less distorted. The light that I had thought had gone out, was still burning.

Thank you for this prompt today. I am reminded to make time for listening to and noticing that trail of breadcrumbs that leads me home. I am reminded what is needed for me to hear and to see.

Delight

The Chateau Waterfall in Nice, France 2010

Reverb Day 5 (via I saw you dancing) - What was the most delightful thing you witnessed in 2010?

So much delight! 

One waterfall, so many rainbows, new life, gentle smiles, funny cats, family together, words that mean so much, courage in so many hearts, helping hands.

Celebrating - Reverb11 Day 5

Clickety Click

Kat's prompt for Day 5 

How are you going to celebrate your self this festive season?

December 2010

By noticing the beauty.

Taking time to breath, to smile, to sing and to laugh.

By looking after myself - taking care to notice and to do, eat and drink, the things that make me feel energised.

Being outside.

Savouring all of the moments - a christmas mixed bag!

Being in love with life.

#Reverb day 4 and December Journaling Project.

Prompt Number 4: What's the one thing you want to take with you into 2012?

Well. As you might know I find it hard just to name one thing, but I will try very hard to just name one.....if I must choose, then it has to be artsy-crafty experiments, explorations and messing around with all of the bits and pieces.

Though Kat's blog(see link above), I discovered this version of reverb11. Just click to have a look at Hope's beautiful and imaginative "Hybrid" journal reverb project - it's just breathtaking.

My own beginner's attempt, slotted in(so far) each night when I get home from work, is below(I'm back with access to photos...yay!). I very much will be taking such frivolity into 2012. This year has been one where I have actively made time to play, to create and to explore different arts and crafts. The part of myself that tells me that I "do not have time", or that "this is not useful", is silenced forever, as each night I find new energy and I stay up later than I have done for a long time. If I yawn and feel sleepy in the morning, it's not the end of the world. I feel energised this December.

Time for creating and reflecting, is precious!

Day 1 Prompt - Did you try anything new in 2011?

The back of the cover for Day 1 - with some quotes about life being a scared adventure. On the right is the journal page. While thinking about this question I suddenly saw just how everything, everyday is often like a new experience for me - a blue sky, or the light on a leaf.....a rainstorm...the wonder of it all.

Day 1 journaling some more - I wrote about all of the new things I had done this year, some of which I have written about here on the blog. It helped me realise just how full my life really is - suddenly feeling very energised. Not quite finished yet hence the blank frames.

Day 2 - What was your most memorable gathering of 2011? - I included words from what I have learnt this year about being with and my relationships with others.

More of Day 2 - included a poem by Tara Sophia Mohr that I posted on my blog in June. I wrote about the reunion with my China buddies, and times I have spent with family this year. Including (still to come) Christmas Day 2011.

Day 3 Cover - What Storm Did You Weather in 2011?

Some thoughts about the internal storms and obstacles from this year.

The back page of Day 3 and some writing about the "storm" that hit us in August and about how each day we take another step towards healing.

Part of the reason that I am taking this forward, is that art is a way for me to find more depth to my experiences, in myself, and to make sense of the world and my feelings. For so long I have been so scattered and have been greedy about life, wanting to do everything and not really settling down and making a commitment. I suppose some of that was fear, my Mother died so young at only forty, so maybe subconsciously I was just trying to cram in as much as possible. Or maybe I was just too scared to get attached or make an investment.

Ok, to some extent, I am one of those people who has a very wide range of interests, and in addition is easily distracted and excited by the next shiny object....but I really need to steady myself and to have some focus and some commitment as I go forward into 2012. To make a commitment to being who I already am, and to what is already in my life.....instead of always hankering after something else, or looking back with regret to things I have lost, or never, ever being enough. Art journaling and creative pursuits give me the opportunity to savour, and to appreciate the enoughness of my life, and the wonder and inspiration of the world.

Dream Destination 2011

Day three of Kat's  Reverb 2011 asked us to reflect on what was our dream destination of 2011; and why we had wanted to visit this particular place. The place could be real or imaginary, and it didn't matter whether we had actually managed to get there or not.

Earlier this year I wrote here about one of my(many) dream destinations, here is some of what I wrote......

I was particularly taken some time ago, with the idea of Matisse designing the breathtakingly beautiful Rosaire Chapel in the town of Vence in the South East of France. When I saw this BBC documentary about Matisse and learned how he had designed the whole of this Chapel in the last years of his life, I fell in love with the place and with his work.

Another aspect of the story of this Chapel that really moved me was that Matisse designed it as a thank you gift to a young nurse, Monique Bourgeois, who cared for him following his operation for bowel cancer. Monique also liked art and drawing, and she modelled for him, later entering a Dominican convent. Following her Ordination as Sister Jacques-Marie, she confided in Matisse that she wished to decorate the oratory fitted out by the nuns in one of the rooms in their convent. Matisse worked for four years with the community and architects to create this amazing space.

This clip from the BBC documentary really shows the beauty of the Chapel. The presenter himself is so moved by the fact that Matisse had by this late stage of his life, come to work just with only the light itself as his material. Almost symbolic of his search for inner peace through his work.

Matisse was first given a box of paints by his mother, who had bought them to cheer him up following a mysterious illness at the age of nineteen. Some biographers think the illness was depression and Matisse is quoted as saying that when he held this "box of colours" in his hands he knew it was his life...."like an animal that plunges headlong towards what it loves, I dived right in...it was a sort of paradise found."

I would love to visit this place one day.

 

I am very glad to say that I did visit the Chapel in October when we were staying nearby in Nice. I still cannot post photographs at the moment but will add one tomorrow when I hope my computer will be back up and running again.

However, I did not take any photos inside, as the taking of photographs was not allowed inside the chapel at all. On arrival we joined a large coach party of tourists, who had also just arrived, queueing outside the door waiting for two o'clock and opening time.

We were herded into the Chapel and one of the Nuns spoke to us about Matisse and the design of the chapel. She was very strict and hushed several noisy tourists who just couldn't be quiet. I was quite disappointed that we didn't have the place to ourselves and when almost everyone had gone down the long corridor to the shop and exhibition area, I went back into the chapel and sat down to watch the light.

Beautiful.



Reverb2011 - What was your most significant expense of 2011?

 

"Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.”

Maya Angelou

Yesterday I really sat up and took notice, of just how wonderful, and full my life is. I am lucky enough to say that the most significant expense or rather expenses of this year, have allowed me to travel a great deal. Near and far I have been, this year, so much more often than is usually possible for me.

Unfortunately all of my photos of this year's adventures are on the other computer, and it is just too late to go upstairs to transfer some onto a memory stick and then come down again and start fiddling around on this dreaded laptop to add them here. No travelling for me tonight.

I have already shared so many of my travel photographs here, they are listed under "photographs" and "holidays."

Don't worry there are more to come for those visitors who enjoy looking at and reading about interesting places. One of my favourite things to do is to share travel stories, information and photographs!

Just to offer an alternative thought, I found this poem "Against Travel".

Against Travel

by

Charles Tomlinson

These days are best when one goes nowhere,

The house a reservoir of quiet change,

The creak of furniture, the window panes

Brushed by the half-rhymes of activities

That do not quite declare what thing it was

Gave rise to them outside. The colours, even,

Accord with the tenor of the day—yes, ‘grey’

You will hear reported of the weather,

But what a grey, in which the tinges hover,

About to catch, although they still hold back

The blaze that's in them should the sun appear,

And yet it does not. Then the window pane

With a tremor of glass acknowledges

The distant boom of a departing plane. 

 

Whilst travel is just one of my favourite things to do, in our busy, busy lives it is good just to stop moving once in a while. One of my other significant expenses has been made, over the past few weeks, when I have treated myself to some art/craft materials and tools.

I remember back in April and May after I was made redundant, I spent whole days just working on an art journal page. I had bought myself some paints, glue and pencils and just dived in.

Glorious days.

Reflect, Recommit, Act - This December 1st.

Find out more here and here and here.

Kat at I Saw You Dancing has taken on the task of writing daily prompts for each day in December. She and many others around the internet are missing Gwen Bell's Reverb this year, and so have taken up the challenge of organising reverb2011.

In her first prompt, Kat asked (December 1st as I am writing), How are you starting this last month of 2011? The answer to this question for me, is in the title of this post.

Thank you Kat for guiding me with your question, to choose how I want to start this last month of 2011.

I choose gratitude, giving, joy, creativity and love. I choose commitment, trust and service.

I am starting a new art project for December that I also found through Kat's blog, which involves more prompts and some art journaling. I created my first page today...more about that later.

What I have realised already, by just taking part on this very first day, is that my cup is so overflowing with so many moments each day and with the wonder of it all; and that I just can't help but want to do something positive with all of that gorgeous energy.

Raising awareness is something I can do today. I cannot do everything I want, help everyone I want, donate to each and every cause that I care about, solve all of the world's problems, and rescue people from terrible situations.

I can however, do just what I can.

Each and everyday I am lucky enough, and thankful for so many beautiful moments, more than this, my life is rich with love and joy; although I have times when this is hard to see. So everyday I need to notice the giving I do, so that not a day slips by without giving something; and also notice the receiving. It really is just showering down on me, each and everyday.

"Life is a sacred adventure."

Inbox Wisdom and Thank Yous

Today I recieved these beautiful and wise words in my inbox.....

......your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.

Kahlil Gibran said that, and he was right. Listen, therefore, to your heart. Cultivate the ability to do this. Practice it. Produce it. Perfect it.

It is not that difficult. Just be quiet with yourself. And for heaven's sake, stop listening to your mind. You will not find the truth there. You may find the answer, but it will not be the truth unless it coincides with the answer in your heart.

You think there is more to know about life than this, but there is not. Your heart holds the key. Your heart holds the wisdom. Your heart holds the future. Your mind knows nothing but the past. It imagines the future will be just like yesterday, so it makes it decisions based on that. Only your heart can see beyond memory's horizon.

From Neale Donald Walsch

I'm just going out but decided instead of stuffing my face with food just because it was tea time, I would use the time to come back here, say thank you and have another ramble.

A big thank you to all the kind blogger friends who commented on my post yesterday, you really helped. Nothing is wrong at all. Really. Just maybe I need to listen to my heart and tp not be so afraid.

Maybe also to accept and be with the fears, sadness and the minor complaints, to be with them and not to deny them for risk of seeming ungrateful for what I have.

 

 

I am so truly grateful for all that I have in my life.

 

 

Also to stop being discouraged by hearing negative, cruel and judgemental comments being thrown about by people who work alongside me, about other people in society and how they might live their lives. I read something last week about how using labels for other people is just a lazy mind and that totally made sense to me. There is just so much more labeling and division about lately. I suppose instead of bottling it up I could just write about it here. Part of me is resisting what I know is partly true about society and what is wrong with our systems. However the blame game will only serve to take us to further misery and pain. I suppose I need to find a way to accept people's views and feelings, acknowledge where they are and do my best to turn their anger and judgement into understanding.

 

 

Love is so powerful and can change the world, change lives....no need to be afraid at all.

 

 

I am hitting an old, old familiar impasse, which is telling me that those new boundaries I recognised earlier in the year, are stll badly needed. If I am to follow my heart, and still be able to be healthy and well and effect change, then gentle, loving boundaries are needed. As are wise friends and self care. If I am feeling alone with it all, then fear and exhaustion will win.

 

 

Trust, openness, love and boundaries....that doesn't sound too difficult does it? 

Missing You - more ramblings.

It's been a week since I came to visit this place. This is not a complaining post, just a quick hello and a sigh. More wistful as I reflect on whether to write that I've nothing to say, no photograph to post, no time to spend here....or...to write that I have so much to say; but that my thoughts need more time to take shape on the page as a post; and that fear might just be holding me back.

I am missing my computer, as it has left the place where it has always sat since we moved here and taken up residence in the land of spareoom. At present it is not functioning, and I am using Mr Stayingawake's laptop with it's tiny keys and temperamental cursor.

I am missing commenting on, and reading other blogs. Since last Tuesday, when I again grabbed at something, anything to post; I have been in overwhelm. Like the computer, my brain does not seem to want to function properly except for anything but work. I have been driving about without really noticing my journey and have had several near misses. I've also been panicking about Christmas coming(although I have recognised this and put a very big full stop to it, thankfully). Why put myself under unnecessary pressure to try to make everything perfect, when it already is perfect in it's crazy and haphazard way. That is the beauty of me and it's time to recognise that however I do it, the outcome will be the same except for one major detail. That is, that I and everyone else that I love, will all be in one piece, warm, and smiling, and full of love, IF I CAN JUST RELAX AND GO PEACEFULLY AND MOST JOYFULLY ABOUT MY BUSINESS!

How is it that I can type these words this week, when last......well all I can say that I was a mass of hormones and feeling older than I need feel. Full of irrational fears about.....well let's just leave it there shall we.

I dreamed a dream within a dream late last week. A tiger was loose in the town and coming out of the very famous landmark we have here. Next thing it was leaping, as if to attack me. I looked up and saw it above me, arching across the blue sky and started to dodge so it would not land on me. As I looked up at the tiger and saw her moving above me, across the beautiful sky, I realised that her leap was too wide and she had been leaping across me not attacking me. She then went off down between two houses and I wondered if people would be in danger and whether I should telephone to warn the emergency services. Next thing I was driving a big red bus, through several red lights. I stopped eventually after one traffic light rush and broke down, berating myself for not noticing the red light and making mistakes. Next I'm telling a work colleague about my dream about a tiger and a red bus.

Creative Everyday has been cheated upon....yesterday's offering was a few photographs, and today this rambling blog post will have to do. Tomorrow I've my stained glass class. At the weekend I did make my first ever Christmas Card which was really enjoyable. I spoke to a friend yesterday who is doing a creative writing course. She doesn't work and I must admit I am envious of the time she has to devote to practising and enjoying her writing.

One thing I am aware of right now, as well as my tendency towards overwhelm, and how tired I have been for the past two weeks; is that I need not worry or envy those who have what I do not have. I can be glad for them and joyful for them. Peace and joy are here for me in what I already have and it what has already happened. What is gone is gone. What I haven't done is just that. Fear can be managed and put in it's place. Regret does not serve me. More days stretch ahead full of possibilities. The trick is just to let go. To balance again, and then just to let go.

I found this wonderful poem yesterday here, I hope that the poet doesn't mind me reproducing it here for you all to share.

Never Mind

by Denver Butson

that guests no longer come unannounced
or that the photo album contains pictures
of much younger people than we remember being

never mind that swallows etch Sanskrit
on the wrinkled sky

it's November
and the present is emptying its wine
into our glasses

never mind that we're not touching now

because our shadows are holding hands
in the dark behind our backs

Love

It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.

Maya Angelou

The Business of Gorgeousness! (and a reminder)

We had a great day out this week, when we visited the Wedgwood Museum at Barlaston, Stoke-on-Trent.
It really is a fabulous place to visit; bags of visual delights; history of arts and crafts; industrial revolution history really comes alive in this place; plus you can get all hands on in the demonstration area. Unbeknown to us when we visited on Thursday, the museum is currently in the news and under threat of having to sell the collection, due to a shortfall in the pension fund, which arose from the insolvency of Waterford Wedgwood in 2009.

Josiah Wedgwood started his pottery business in 1759

The Potteries 

This area of North Staffordshire is more commonly called "The Potteries", and according to their tourist website, is now officially known as the World Capital of Ceramics.It is not really surprising given how the research and work of Wedgwood changed the face of Pottery production, and nurtured the development of local ceramics artists, and ceramics artists and craftspeople in general.

Pretty darn clever!

In this area you can try your hand at a range of craft skills and watch demonstrations.

I could have spent all day in here!

More shots of my hands!

While the photos of me having a go at throwing a pot, using the Jasper clay look impressive, in reality the master craftsman was on hand to ensure we came out with a finished product that, once fired, they then ship home to us. I was itching for him to stand aside and give me free rein with the clay and the wheel, but he stood guard over us, giving us some tips and instruction, that I'm sure I would find useful if I ever had the chance to get my hands on a wheel and some clay again. He made it look so easy!

The most famous results of Wedgwood's experiments

What impressed me the most about the story of Josiah Wedgwood, was how he experimented  and recorded meticulously the results of his experimentation. In the Museum you can see some of his notebooks and his trays of clay trials of different kinds, each piece of clay numbered and corresponding to an entry in his experiments book.The collection is vast, and you could easily spend a day just looking around the museum itself.

Exhibit from the museum showing production prior to electricity

Early pieces from the collection

I was also impressed by how Wedgwood then employed artists to travel and collect patterns and designs. The museum contains some sketch books from these artists, and collections of hundreds of different patterns. I think that would have been a job for me! Travel and collecting visuals....yes, it would have suited me down to the ground! Wedgwood also worked with more famous artists to produce glorious pieces of art and design throughout the history of the company.

Pattern collections

I was also very interested to find out about Josiah Wedgwood's beliefs, and his involvement with the campaign for the Abolition of the Slave Trade. Wedgwood designed medallions in 1787, which helped to highlight the campaign and people wore them to declare their sympathy with the cause. Probably the first time people had worn items of jewelry in this way. This was just one form of pressure to abolish the slave trade and it took until 1833 until the Slavery Abolition Act  was passed in the UK.

Anti-Slavery Medallion - Created by Wedgwood in 1787

To find out about modern day slavery and what you can do to help please visit www.antislavery.org . It's a timely reminder for me having just watched this episode of unreported world yesterday. You may also be interested in the work of warchild, who help child soldiers and highlight their plight.