Refreshing

I'm struggling to write this today. It will probably read a little raw and rough around the edges. As my writing is usually quite rough around the edges, this is nothing new but today it is especially so.

This post has been sitting in my drafts, waiting for me to complete it. Then yesterday we had our bad news. Our dream that we had been working towards, was ended. Someone decided that we couldn't go ahead. They decided this because of a previous history of depression.

Right now I am very tearful. All of the tears that were there, but that would not fall last week when everything was alright, are now freed. I am worried about how this decision will affect us both. We discussed this happening lots of times of course during the process, and were philosophical about it all then.

Now it feels different. I understand some of the reasons why we have not been accepted, but I felt that one of us was very harshly judged and that a full medical assessment should have been waited for before the decision was made.

The opinions of some people were also given more weight than others, and we were not given the chance to discuss the decision fully. I wrote yesterday that I accepted that this was not my path, however I feel differently today. Today I feel quite angry. One woman who had previously emotionally damaged my lovely man, and who has blighted our relationship for over half the time we have been together, has again contributed to preventing us from doing something we felt we could give the next part of our lives to. I do not hate her. I don't hate anyone. I am simply angry at the injustice of it all.

I am shocked too. My body feels as if it is in shock. Everything was going so well, so we thought, and we were just not expecting that phone call yesterday.

Originally this was going to be a post about how refreshing it was to walk into my new place of employment three weeks ago, and find people who are very accepting and supportive of colleagues who have mental health issues of some kind. One colleague introduced herself with a brief explaination that she suffered from OCD and would react badly if anyone touched items on her desk when she was out, and also explaining her mood swings(she has a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder). Then I overheard two colleagues talking with concern about another, a few days later, about how her behaviour had changed recently and she seemed withdrawn in the office.

After seven years with an employer who, and in an office environment where these kinds of concerns and behaviours would be seen as weakness, and where those who admitted to any mental health issues would be labelled and judged negatively; this is so refreshing. As I spent probably four of those seven years very withdrawn and depressed in the office where I worked, to see an open and supportive working environment like this one, is just so fantastic. No fear at my new place of employment! Proper and open processes in place to support anyone who needs it, to be able to continue to work and to stay well at the same time.

This post is still about the stigma. But it is a less positive post, understandably. It is now also about the myths, the fear, the labelling and the closing of doors. I suppose the events of the past two months and of yesterday, have made me more determined to continue to work for change.

Hence the recent Time To Change television advert I have included below, designed to help challenge the stigma and discrimination that exists around mental health issues. At the end the advert gives you three options for what happens next, but you will have to go to Youtube to see how it ends.



I was going to change the title of the post but then decided to leave it alone. It is refreshing to be in a place of work that understands mental health issues and will work to ensure that stigma and discrimination does not stop anyone from doing their job, or from feeling safe and accepted at work.

I am also going to be "refreshing" my page now that this one door has been closed to me. What next I wonder?