The door that is already open.

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.

Alexander Graham Bell

Cornwall April 2011

After a few days to reflect on the events of Tuesday and my grief at our being turned down, I seem to be bouncing  back already. Don't get me wrong, I am still very upset and angry about how we have been treated, however I understand somewhat, why it has happened even if I don't understand why it happened in exactly the way it did - ie., with no discussion or support.

I have telephoned a supportive organisation for advice about any ways forward, and they have been quite positive about what we might do to work round this decision and to address our dissatisfaction with the process we went through. Sorry to be so cryptic!

So this weekend I am going to write a long letter of complaint(and feedback), to the company involved; then I am going to spend some time digesting it all, and considering whether in fact this has happened for a reason, how I feel about it, and where that leaves me/us.

The fact that I am bouncing back so quickly from the initial shock and devastation tells me that the wrong decision was made by those in the position of power. It tells me that yes I/we really wanted to do this for the next chapter of our lives, but that I/we were not relying on this outcome in an unhealthy way, to give us validation or purpose. We were in fact doing it for the right reasons, and we were in fact strong enough and healthy enough to do a very good job.

I am smiling again, singing again, have energy again for my (temporary) day-job and for my life.

For a reasonable 48 hours I felt as if I would never smile again, I felt that to look at the future without this dream, would be too painful. It is not. It is all ok. I am balanced and things are in perspective.

There are so many doors already open for me, and for us. Life is still very good without this particular dream. I am/we are still strong without this particular dream. There is so much to do. There is so much to be.

It is now a question of continuing to feel as much joy and to give as much love as is humanly possible......to be fully alive and whole for the rest of my life. I made a commitment to myself this year and I will not let this event change that.