It has been a hectic couple of months since my birthday in February.
Any sense of (for me)"normality"; routine(a.k.a rut); safety (good sense); or home(read also "control"), was whipped out from under me. It started quite gradually and pleasantly. Then it all picked up speed and I started to feel that my life was not my own. Everything was running away with me and I could do nothing but roll along with it. I felt I was losing a sense of identity and place.
Don't get me wrong, most of it has been very enjoyable (shakes head). I don't want to complain really (nods head). Sometimes though you maybe reach a point where you ask yourself some serious questions about the way you are living your life. Yes I know that I do ask these questions quite often, but this time they are reaching a little bit deeper. Hey ho.
Anyway here I am on the other side of all that frenzied activity, which was prompted mainly by Mr Greenfinger's needs and wants; our relief and joy at all coming through the most terrible year last year; and having visitors who stayed for a month!
I don't want to remember this week last year, or the four months that followed; or the three months after that. Somehow it is there in my head anyway. A sad anniversary. Yet also a celebration of the three of us making it through, and staying strong. If I was someone who prayed I would pray that the future for all three of us, but especially for one, holds nothing else so terrifying, nothing else to hurt so much. That is a lot to ask of life, so let me dig deep to find my courage and joy instead.
Our life is about to change again. Just when we were putting our slippers on ;).
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| Winter is clinging on (a bit like me) - April 5th |
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| Mr Greenfingers is fifty - April 6th |
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| Relaxing Sunday - April 7th |
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| Work day lunch - April 8th |
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| Catching my breath on the way to work - April 9th |
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| And on the way home - April 10th |
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| This is the day I will stop to photograph that line of trees - April 11th |
They say change is a good thing. It keeps you alive and on your toes. But it's also very stressful and I think in this case you CAN have too much of a 'good thing'.
ReplyDeleteWhatever your new changes are - I hope they are good for you. Let 2013 be a great year.
Thank you AJ. It is a great year. Just a little pause for reflection on the past year.
DeleteThat feeling of things being out of control is a horrible one. It is like being in a vortex. Sending love. Don't forget to breathe. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you Birdie. I am feeling that being in control is maybe also not so good. I am learning a lot again from letting go but you are right it is a horrible feeling when you are resisting. Breathing. x
DeleteI'm glad you made it THROUGH! As you say, there is the relief at making it through but sometimes there are still things ahead. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and (try) keep positive. Hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Penny. That is wise advice, one foot in front of the other. I will keep positive. There are lots of gifts to recieve and to give amongst the changes.x
DeleteChange is in the air all right, Jan! It's as if we're all shedding our old skins and becoming transformed. Can be painful, but oh how beautiful those shiny new skins are.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and wishing you acceptance and strength to embrace the new as you move forward into the future
((HUGS))