Returning from the land of busy - a check in.....

 Hello. I'm here this morning, sending love out into blogland; taking the opportunity at this inbetween time after Christmas and before the New Year begins. 

Previous year up to this one, I would want to stay in the darkness...with the artificial and candle light creating a cocoon; and the illusion that time is halted for a little while. 

Only a few walks on hillsides or beside the ocean would tempt me outside. 

I've always reluctant to go back out into the real world and life as it usually is.... which for me was always work and busy busy busy. 

These few days are almost like that time in the morning when you are still in bed but awake, and know you can snuggle back down for a few more minutes. 

This year I still feel that sense of time standing still, however the big change is that I am not working at the moment ..... so no return to that busy busy work-life without balance. A new way of living lies ahead of me in 2023... I will be working again and I cannot deny that it is going to be a challenge not to return to my old ways. However I am determined not to return fully to the "land of busy" and to make some time for self-care, creativity and reflection. 

I will turn 60 years young in February and my healthy adult self is in the driving seat more often than not.... this journey continues in a more balanced way and with space and time for thriving. 

I am curious and grateful to experience this next chapter.

Sending love to you dear bog friends for a peaceful and joyful 2023 - signing off now. xx

August 2022 - Whinlatter Forest

August again.... hello summer heatwave that feels good and yet not!

 Oh my. Here I am again back on the page and writing that "I have missed being here and where did the time just go?"

This seems to be a theme here. 

It's very hot here today and I am glad for the sunshine, bitter sweet though it feels as it reminds us about climate change; drought and water shortage warnings; water company's making profit; soaring energy costs and thoughts of the winter ahead. Lately our world's have been rocked haven't they? We continue to reassess our relationship with nature both on a personal level, in our wider society and globally. 

In this moment right now as I sit here on my day off from work, the sunshine feels good on my skin. It's much hotter than we are used to here, and we look to take care of the more vulnerable in the world in this extreme heat. Once again we are reminded of the fragility of life here on our planet. 

I have been sitting here in what I call my "morning chair",  drinking tea and having a slow start to the day. Just a little earlier I was writing in my journal and listening to this song "Apart Together" by Tim Minchin. 

KCRW

On the way to a show

Heard the story of an elderly couple

Found dead in their mobile home

They'd been there a month they say

Seemed to be no decay

I guess the upside of freezing to death

Is that you tend to stay that way

Locked in each other's arms

Eyes closed and faces calm

They may have lain there 'til spring

If it weren't for the ping of their smoke alarm

God sure works in mysterious ways

Died of power bills left unpaid

Found by a nеighbour who heard the ping

Dropped around offering Double A's

I think this could last forever

Girl, let's fall apart together

I can handle the entropy

If you promise to stay with me

I give you my heart knowing things fall apart

Praying you will decay with me

Locked in each other's arms

Eyes closed and faces calm

In the morning a new life will dawn

So maybe don't set the alarm

Baby, I think this could last forever

Girl, let's fall apart together

Girl, let's fall apart together

As I listened to the lyrics and melody, it stuck me how many years I have sat in my morning chair pondering the day and my life, and making plans. 

Here I am still. 

I was reminded that this will end one day. Funny how we forget this. Necessary that we forget this and yet don't forget this. A reminder to count my blessings, to enjoy the moment and to share gratitude and wonder for this time we have, this life we have. 

I thought I would come here and write on time passing and plans undone... and on how I am drawn to tragic stories and the bittersweet. On how I still wander... and that's ok. 

Hoping that life is good with you all, lovely bloggers, and that life is kind. 

Easter Weekend at home - it's April time again - April Love time.

 I'm stuck at home with COVID at the moment. Luckily I have not been too unwell, so have really enjoyed having some down time from work and social commitments.

 It is really so true when they say that sometimes the universe will stop you in your tracks if you do not listen to what is whispering to you. I have been so very busy at work since January, and before too. I have been really feeling stressed and exhausted and overwhelmed at work. I have not been myself for a couple of months now. 

I kept telling myself, just another week and get this and that sorted out, then I can rest. It seemed endless but I actually did get the most important things sorted out before I started to get ill with COVID. I would have just continued if I had not been ill. Instead I have been taking a break for the last week. On good days I have been busy cleaning the house or gardening, but mostly just resting and contemplating life which is very much needed.

I'd started enjoying Susannah Conway's April Love photo challenge already. I do love playing along and so here are some of the first few week's photos. It always helps me pause and reflect on how privileged I am in life. Despite my feelings of shame sometimes, and this stuckness I always feel with my work-life-balance, I do appreciate where I find myself in life and all that I have experienced on my journey. 

Day 1 - Blue 

Day 2 - Yellow

Day 3 - Flowers

Day 7 - Pattern

Day 7 - Pattern

Day 8 - Inspiring Words 

Day 8 - Inspiring Words

Day 8 - Inspiring Words

Day 8 - Inspiring Words

Day 8 - Inspiring Words 

I hope that you are having a lovely restful Easter time wherever you are, and that you remain in good health. My thoughts are never far away from those in the world who are struggling with war or poverty and sickness so it was really helpful to listen to this Tara Brach meditation reminding me that my small actions each day to Choose to Love will have an impact in the world. Like a butterflies small wings. 

UBC Day 9 - Thinking about the year ahead.

It is 5pm and I am taking a break from work for a half hour before working late again. I thought I would come here and use the break time to write my daily blog challenge post. It could be a late one tonight. 

I have been thinking a little about my year ahead and what I want to focus on. 

With the help of my Osho Zen Tarot Card Deck I spent a little time starting to think about where I am at right now and where I might want to get to as the year goes on. 

It's only guidance and a way of helping me think about things, not prediction! 

So these are my cards for the four quarters of the year. From left to right, Jan-March, April- June, July-September and October-December. As I looked at them they all seem to apply to right now so I think that they are a good set of cards to get me focused. 

Card 1, Projection from the suit of water(emotions): "Every mind lives in it's own world. The man and the woman are facing each other but they are not able to see each other clearly. Each is projecting an image they have constructed in their own minds, covering the real face of the person they are looking at."

In this first quarter of the year I want to focus on my relationships with others and stay balanced, clear and honest. I want to ensure that I stay mindful and "fully aware of my own expectations, desires and judgements." This card also suggests that when you feel "a judgement arising about another , turn it around." "Does what you see in others really belong to you? Is your vision clear or clouded by what you want to see?" 

Those are two great things for me to work on this quarter, particularly taking responsibility for meeting my own needs, identifying my desires and making sure I put them first. Instead of going along with what someone else wants, for fear of upsetting them. Again clear communication and clarity of vision is the key.

I'm going back to work now so will finish this post later. 

 ........So I have come back after working until 10.30 pm and I have decided that I am just too tired to write any more about the other cards right now. I might do a series of posts instead so watch this space. 

UBC Day 8 - Week Two - Gosh this is really hard now!

 So I have just stopped work for a break. 

It is 6.20 pm and I have been at work since 8.30 am this morning. I really should be back on my laptop as I have two reports to finish. 

Instead I thought I would give my frazzled mind a few minutes break and my tummy some food. I made this soup yesterday in between working, and I have just enjoyed a bowl with some salmon and cream cheese bagels. 

I do have an appointment online at 7.30 until 8.30pm so that will take some of my energy and it might be that I don't have any more energy to get back on the job after that. 

I hear you. 

How I would love to be free and I would love to, as it says above, to see the steps before me. It is a good time to take stock of how I would like to go forward. I love my work but am worn out and frazzled by it most of the time. 

I quite like this graphic below, I found on social media. Perhaps it is time to show myself more kindness and remove any judgements I might be making about deciding to change my job. 

Anyway this Ultimate Blog Challenge lark is getting really hard now, particularly after a long day or any day really at work. I am glad to be here though sharing these thoughts and settling my mind. 

I think my mind is one that can't come up with things quickly, I am quite a reflective person and have perfectionist tendencies. Everything I try to write or organise, takes a good amount of time and particularly when there is a lot going on. I can lose my confidence and my writing voice as my mind is swirly with anxiety. The letters on the pages of my work lap top are jiggling around and my mind is also jiggling around just here and now writing this post. It is interesting that as I am typing my mind is less swirly and jiggly. 

What can I do about all this? I think a prayer to my Higher Power or a meditation would help me build on this calming feeling that is coming as I type. It might create some mind space for me to continue with a little bit of one of my reports later tonight after my appointment. 

UBC Day 3 - At the end of the day.

 So I returned to work today after the two week Christmas and New Year break. Though I did work in between just for a day, it felt like I had had a good two week rest. 

However it does mean that posting daily for the Ultimate Blog Challenge really becomes even more of a challenge. 

It is the end of the day and though I did promise myself a daily walk, it is cold outside and blogging here feels more tempting. Plus I have a tooth ache again so exerting myself in the dark street tonight isn't perhaps what my body needs right now. 

I am giving myself the night off exercise tonight therefore. I have walked every day since New Year's Day so far, and did a fair bit of walking during the Christmas Break too so one night off I will allow myself. So long as it does not turn into two or three or endless nights after work saying, "oh I am too tired tonight I will give myself the night off." 

On nights like last night and the night before, I enjoy the sunset and clear skies... 

Did you spot Jupiter too up above the smiling crescent moon? 

Here are some more lovely views from last night and the night before....

I must remind myself of all of this beauty, when I feel too tired to walk when I finish work. 

I'm staying warm and cosy tonight, just one or two jobs to do in the house to keep things ticking over. Sometimes in the run up to Christmas work took over, to the point where the house and my own self-care was suffering. Not going to do that again....New Year's good intentions and all that. 

My sister is doing well after her operation and though in some pain she is hoping to be home tomorrow if all continues to go to plan. 

It's already nearly weekend, I am so happy for my two day working week this week! Thank you to those blogging friends who are visiting and commenting. I will reply back to you personally and continue to visit you too when I can. Grateful to be here and blogging again. Good night. 

It's 2022 - Time to blog again!

Good morning and Happy New Year. 

I have decided to participate like this lovely blogger in The Ultimate Blog Challenge during January this year. It will really be a challenge for me as my life is still so very busy  too busy! 

I wrote that my goal for this challenge would be to slow life down and to carve out some time for myself each day..... somehow! It's time to "gather what really matters to me" and to "build my shelter". Or is it rather that it's time to rebuild my shelter here on my blog? 

Let's mark this Day 1 of my blogging new year with this reminder. 

With hope let's venture into 2022 armed with all the love I have for this world..... let's get a vision first of all of where I find myself and over the challenge it may become clearer about where I am going to be venturing. 

It is the 4th January 2022, and this morning I have sat quietly at home thinking of one of my older sisters today, who is currently undergoing surgery on her left lung to remove a cancerous growth. When I first saw the reminder above, I felt afraid for my sister and so keenly aware that time is never promised to us. 

As our Mother's five daughters, we hold the grief of her loss at only aged 40 years too tightly sometimes. It has made us sometimes more fearful of illness; and for myself particularly, sometimes too afraid to live fully in my skin. 

I trust that my sister will recover well from her operation, as she tells me that the doctors have caught this at an early stage and do not envisage any complications. I have faith in what she told me. I am inspired by her courage and love. My big sis, may I learn from you.

I am reminded of a dear friend who died in 2018 and of Viktor Frankl. 

I've been away for the New Year with my new friend, and just got back last night. I spent yesterday on my own largely, which was really lovely; I also popped over to say hello to my son on the way home. 

I've loved this holiday season, it has felt full and abundant despite my misgivings about the plans on how to spend it. On New Year's Day I went for a lovely walk in nature, with my kind friend. 

I do plan to spend more time walking in nature this year. I plan to learn the names of the hills I can see in the distance, and of course of those I am walking on too. Also to learn the names of trees, and to recognise more birds and their songs.

I'm hoping to change my work life and create some time for myself in 2022. 

I'd love to spend more time painting and blogging, and exploring all of the things I love. 

Hopefully carving out some time here each day in January will help me become more intentional with my time.