Prompt Day 5: Let Go.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
(Author: Alice Bradley)
I promised myself I would blog everyday during Advent. This morning I hit a wall, no inspiration at all.
I am also behind a bit with the Reverb10 prompts. Both the day 5 and day 6 prompts have left me floundering so far and I haven't really had time to reflect. So no Advent post and no Reverb post today either!
Then I noticed that in the news there was a story about parents taking photographs at school Nativity Plays. For a few years now there has been a bit of an uproar about this issue, with some schools banning photographs being taken by parents at these occasions.
Today there has been guidance issued by the Information Commissioner saying that there is no breach of the Data Protection Act made by parents taking pictures for their own personal use. The article linked to above, discusses all of the other concerns that schools and parents might have about photographs being taken. These include concerns about photographs of adopted, fostered, or children under protection orders, being posted on Facebook and their real parents finding them; the risk of a paedophile taking pictures at a school event and other safety and security concerns.
Of course these are all very valid concerns and vulnerable children have to be protected, but as a society we do need to strike a balance. We cannot live in fear in this way, and neither can our children. Today I hope that we can let go of some of the fear, and allow ourselves and our children to experience more freedom and more trust.
Anyway, whilst pondering this issue and my post for today, I remembered this photograph of my four year old son, dressed as a shepherd and carrying a sheep.
It was taken almost twenty years ago, I watched proudly as he walked on and took part in his first Nativity Play. One of his Aunties and his cousin were also there watching too, I'm sure. In fact I think my sister took this precious photograph.
The photograph made me start thinking about the Reverb prompt for Day 5, and what I had let go of this year.
2010 was the year I finally put down a huge weight of guilt about my little boy/big man. I'd been carrying it around for some time, building up the reasons why, over the years of his childhood and teenage years, I had let him down.
I've been working to let go of this for a good few years, since he was about eighteen or maybe even before that. Instead, I've been working on being the best mother I can, in the here and now, and building what we have together in the present. With who he is now. I also let go of some sadness and some sorrow associated with that guilt. I let go of some anger and some bitterness. I let go of a degree of loneliness. I let go of some fear.
Why? I let go of these things because I knew that to continue holding on to them and letting them rule me, would continue to damage both of us and our relationship. I had to let love back in. Love had to help us both grow and heal.
I didn't let go of worry. What parent can honestly say that's possible? I controlled it somewhat. I put it in a box and took the lid off only at certain times. If the worry began to get out of control I put the lid back on swiftly. I managed this most of the time.I read this book too, which also helped a little.
This year was also the year my fledgeling flew the nest, properly. Of course he'd started to get his feathers and to learn to fly a good few years ago. This time he was off! In fact he's not really even a fledgeling anymore, as he is off to build his own nest!
For a few weeks now his bedroom has been empty and the house strangely quiet. He has been back to visit and eat our food once and will be back again soon, I'm sure. He is happy and enjoying himself. It is lovely to see that happening! All this love and forgiveness has helped me nurture and guide him through these really important years of young adulthood. Thank goodness I let go when I did!
I know exactly what you mean! My girl was not only teenage-ish, I'm convinced to my soul she was darn near schizophrenic for ten years, and that has inflicted some major pain on me, as much pain as she says I've inflicted on her. It's real easy to let myself get lost in the anger and the feeling of betrayal if I let myself feel them. So I don't let myself; at least most of the time. Like you said, the anger doesn't help me, and it sure doesn't help her. So, I'm teaching myself to only look at her good side and appreciate her gifts, and try to overlook the things that I don't like so much. And you know what? At twenty years old and with two years of college under her belt, (kind of) she's doing good; she has lots of good friends who look after her, and she takes care of them. She has a job to support herself, and in less than three months there, she's already training other people.
ReplyDeleteIt is way too easy to find the bad in people, especially if they've hurt you badly. What takes real graciousness is to not only look for the good in them, but to actively encourage it, tell them how proud you are of them. Because a child, not matter how old, needs to hear that their parents are proud of them. I know I would work my butt of when my mom told me she was proud of me, but sit in resentful silence if she yelled at me for not doing what I should. So, I try to do the same for my girl. Don't always succeed; still way too human, but I do notice a change in attitude, in both of us, when I do this.