Catching up with the August Moon. Day 4: Create

 

Once in a blue moon, what would you wish for?

I am currently enjoying a time to reflect along with  Kat's August Moon 13

Kat writes: "As we transition into the last quarter of the year, we are inviting you to join us in responding to a series of prompts designed to bring you closer to all you wanted 2013 to be. We reckon that now is the time to ask: the universe will hear you."

Day 4: What word did you choose as your traveling companion in 2013? How is it working for you? Where have the surprises been?

"So it really doesn't matter if shoveling the snow is a creative act for you, or watering the plants, or taking a walk, or talking to strangers or raising a child. Whatever it might be, you must do it and you must do it in your way, and on a continuing basis. It doesn't mean that you must be creating a heroic sculpture every week, or you have to write a novel within a month, or anything like that. It just means that you must be using your life in the way that you know best, from the center every single day. If (creativity) backs up it hurts and pollutes you, it causes you to become rigid, makes you tired, makes you look lifeless, it deletes your passion, makes you brown around the edges." 

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Most carefully and deliberately chosen as my travelling companion for 2013, was the word CREATE.

I am learning much this August Moon from the thoughtful prompts, the opportunity to reflect on the events of this year so far is very welcome. I am also learning much from new readings(see above). Thank goodness for Kat and Meridith's brilliant idea for this time of reflection and regrouping. Before I joined in I would have answered this prompt quite differently. Now a few prompts in, and I am reminded to be more gentle and compassionate - starting with myself.

Back in January I was full of hope, and determined to choose to create a life  "in the way that I know best, from the centre every single day."

I was determined to stay open; be curious; to laugh and feel joyful; to feel free and peaceful; to put in effort and time where I chose; to create ways to nourish myself and others; to putting my hope into meaningful action; to make a new story; and all with compassion and self-discipline.

So how is it working for me?

Ha. I am a recovering perfectionist who had temporarily forgotten all she learned about excellence in 2012.

She had forgotten quite a lot of what she learned about compassion also.

She is tired and a bit "brown around the edges."

And oh so rigid. That really feels uncomfortable.

Thank goodness for the August Moon and this time to reflect. Things have come to a stop. I am taking a deep inhale and long exhale.

Knowing that about myself(I'm a perfectionist), and right now having time to pause and look up; I will answer this question with a smile and a inner chuckle.

"It is working some days and then other days......well, you know what I mean, I am sure. And that's ok."

And..... "What the hell just happened?"

Thank goodness for so many wise words, and a week off work to get things back into perspective. To rest and to breathe; to re-establish my priorities(those things I need to do to keep me well).

To find my lost sense of humour (darn it I'm always misplacing that somewhere!)

And.... "I still cannot often seem to manage the bit about work/life balance." 

And.... "That really scares me sometimes." 

However in my day job I do notice that I am more often working with "more focus and less resentment". I am more aware of where I invest too much unfocused energy and where I get swept along with it all;

......that way emotional and physical exhaustion lie.

I've been mucho afraid again. My safe space at home has been very busy with people.

I'm needing to soften, open and strengthen. I forgot that hard is sometimes too brittle; not strong at all; and that closed is never the way to feel safe.

Why things have been so challenging, is complex and long winded. Of course. We human beings are complex creatures and sometimes the shadows completely block out the light and we feel unsure of our way. I have been afraid of the darkness.

I love this poem about shadows, found via Clarissa Pinkola Estes:

Today, near Eventide
I did lead the girl who has no seeing
a little way into the forest where it was darkness
and shadows were.
I led her towards a shadow that was coming our way.
It did touch her cheek with its velvety fingers.
And now she too has likings for shadows
and her fears that were are gone.

- Opal Whitely

 What have been the surprises?

Feathers