Oh May goodness!

 Oh my goodness, it's May again already! Where has all that time gone since I last wrote properly here, and what have I been doing since then? Sometimes I feel sad that I have not kept blogging here as it is a great place to keep a record of all the things that catch my attention, important events and my feelings about them; and how in general I am doing on my journey. It's a place to keep in touch with other bloggers and get involved in blogging challenges. I do love it here and miss writing here. 

Sometimes I find that lately, particularly since I had my cataract surgery and became single again, I just can't find the energy or time to write much. I seem to be less reflective and more in the moment, living my life and not ruminating on improving myself all of the time. I do miss that part if me who is so reflective. I spent a lot of time with her. Sometimes I feel afraid about how fast time is passing and I am not thinking about it or reflecting or making the most of things. That part of me likes to cling onto things and thoughts and memories, and I recognise the panic and that old feeling of not doing or being enough. She did become rather stuck in the past though, and could be too negative and pessimistic. 

These days a photo a day helps me to feel I am marking th e day. Sometimes a meaningful quote, sometimes a written reflection. As always life is busy with my day job still. There is no-one living here with me to help cook or wash the pots and clothes, or to do the garden. So I suppose the time I used to spend reading and writing, and occasionally being creative, is now spent on household chores and clearing my head space! Myself and the cat seem to make an awful lot of mess just by ourselves it seems. No wonder he needs so much rest all of the time. 😂

I won't sign up for any blogging challenges this time. That never seems to work for me. Life is incredibly busy and I do continue to live life with a sense of joy, and awe and wonder. Along with that I do also continue to be quite scattered and unfocused, which I am coming to accept is just part of how I am. Some of the not getting to grips with this part of me, is due to having been feeling quite lacking in hope and energy for some time. I had really struggled when I became single again, and to be fair, before that too with recurrant depression. Also for years I had been battling with social anxiety and recovery from trauma from my childhood. I was always someone who had hope in bagfuls, but this year when a loved one really hit a difficult time, I just couldn't pick myself up again. I am doing well again now thank goodness, here I am again taking one step at a time, one day at a time....focusing on the good things in my life and how I can do small things to contribute to making the world a kinder place. 

My horoscope for this week said the following:

"'One is always at home in one's past,' wrote author Vladimir Nabokov. I agree. Sometimes that's not a good thing, though. It may lead us to flee from the challenges of the present moment and gp hide and cower and wallow in nostalgia. But on other occasions, the fact that we are always at home in the past might generate brilliant healing strategies. It might rouse in us a wise determination to refresh out spirit in the deep solace of feeling utterly at home..... I invite you to keep a running list of the ways life delights you and helps you and energies you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted...the uncanny powers you possess...the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you...the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world?" 

Hmmm, what makes me feel at home in the world? For starters... solitude, stillness, the sound of water running or surging, music playing, singing along on a sunny day or whilst cleaning the house, movement.... like riding my bike or driving along(not speeding of course) or walking in nature ... being with people who "get me" and who I equally "get', a good story either written or acted, poetry, words, song lyrics, art...photography... seeing the details or the larger view,  birds and their songs, tree friends, sky colours and sunsets, bluebell woods....

Photos and videos from March and April this year, what a lot of goodness there is! What makes you feel at home in the world? I'd love to hear what you love and what loves you. This past year has been so difficult and the world and humanity continue to bleed and suffer. This has always been the case of course, but some of us were protected more than others. We felt the personal suffering, but were more removed from wars, disease, racism and other forms of hate. This past year has reminded me of my privilege and to make the most of every tiny moment. Life is precious and these moments of awe and wonder fill my cup and bring immense feelings of gratitude. 

As I missed singalong a Saturday this week, here is the song I would have posted.... it's music Monday!

Sending love and blessings to all of you out there in bogland on this holiday Monday. 🙏