Wandering.

I've been very luckly to have been off "wandering" for a few days, and this including some wandering under the new moon on February 15th (also my birthday). It really did help to wander and explore on an only semi-planned few days away. For some of the time I was on my own and for some of the time I had Mr Stayingawake join me.

Looking Forward - 12.2.18

As my last few blog posts have indicated, I've been trying to reconnect with myself for a little while now and have been spiralling round to learn life's lessons again and again. Right now I'm focused on reframing the story of my childhood, which has always been one of lack due to the loss of my Mother at an early age; and the loss of my family life after I moved to live with foster parents. I'm focused right now on really "looking for the light" and in trying to choose "the grace not the shadow" in my evryday life.

Wandering to the Wordsworth graves at Grasmere  - 13.2.18

As I child I spent a lot of time vvisiting my Father's Mother who I called "Nana", and with my Father when he returned from his own wandering following my Mother's death. I lived with my Foster family who had relatives and friends who owned their own cars, and so was used to trips out sometimes. My birth family did not own a car, and if we wanted to go travelling we went by bus or day coach trip. Many of the coach day trips from our small town were to the nearby Lake Distict National Park, mainly to the south of the area in the easier to get to towns and villages. I have therefore been very familiar with Williams Wordsworth and his poetry, and have been to Grasmere many times before. 

Sense of fun in wandering through a forest in the falling snow - 13.2.18

This time however it seemed to me that the ending of my semi-planned walk through a small blizzard, with me sitting in the churchyard at Grasmere, had some significance. Dorothy Wordsworth, William's sister is burried here along with William and the rest of their family. I know only bits and pieces about their lives, but had noted there was an exhibition on at Dove Cottage called "Women's lives though Letters" which I had planned to go to the following day. This is related to my interest in the history of women and the fact that 2018 is the centenary of Women's sufferage, and also to the story of my birth family and my female relatives. A female friend who I have always admired posted this on Facebook recently and I discovered it the night I arrived, it has stuck in my head playing on loop ever since. 

 By the way, my Nana was not a sufferagette and her life story is not remarkable in the bigger picture, in fact it could be seen as quite tragic. There is a story to tell and my slant on it would be about gender and class equalities. There are so many unwritten stories of families like mine, of women like my Nana, my sisters and my Mother.

"Women's Lives Through Letters" - Dove Cottage 14.2.18

On visiting the exhibition and "Dove Cottage" one of the homes of William Wordsworth and his family, I learned much about Dorothy Wordsworth and her life story which I really connected with. She and her niece Dora, and her sister-in-law Sara spent many hours copying out William's poems and taking them down in dictation. In addition to this I also learned she kept a journal, some of the writings gave William subject and details for some of his poems. The tour guide of the Cottage and the exhibitions gave a really good picture of Dorothy in particular. She is described as being a woman not concerned with fashion or appearance, and darker in complexion than was the fashion for women of the time, enjoying walking in the area and writing in her journal about the landscape and people she met. 

Dorothy lived with her brother William prior to his marriage to Mary and the birth of the couple's three children. At the time they lived at Dove Cottage also living with them was Sara, Mary's sister. The guide informed us that the household was a very busy one with many visitor, some staying overnight and there were at one time three beds in each bedroom of which there were only three plus a small one for the children (this is the one you can see in the photo below with newspaper on the walls.  

The newspaper room - Dove Cottage. 14.2.18

Dove Cottage - Wordsworth's couch. 14.2.18

One of the first journal entries I read in the exhibition described how she was saying goodbye to her brother William who was off on a trip, she had sat down on a hill and was overwhelmed with grief at this parting. Later I realised Dorothy, like myself, had lost her Mother at an early age, six I think it was, she was sent away to family and was separated from her brothers for all of her childhood. Dorothy therefore seems to have struggled with partings of any kind.

View into the garden at Dove Cottage. 14.2.18

The little bit of reading I have done since seeing the exhibition and what I learned there, was that Dorothy appeared to use journalling to help in regulating her moods and emotions. Indeed the exhbition refers to her use of "mindful writing" though at that time mindfulness was not the popular psychology that it was today.

Home and thinking about priorities today - 17.2.18

My word for 2018 is "reverence" and my guides are many, Caroline Myss has been important in helping me start on this year's journey, and now Dorothy Wordsworth and the landscape of the Lake Distict have joined her. I've enjoyed wandering about on my own and challenging myself in many ways. The landscape seems to make me feel more alive and I need to find the time for more of this.

Returning from my wandering - 13.2.18

Sunset - 13.2.18

Glorious 13.2.18

Walking under glorious skies - 15.2.18

Castlerigg Stone Circle - 15.2.18

 This post is not so much about "reverence" or it's shadow "hubris", it's just a making sense of messages from the universe kind of post. I'm trying to keep in touch with myself, now I am back home and need to keep noting the signs and exploring, both on and off the path.

Change of direction, wandering off the planned route - 15.2.18