Letting the days go by - more 365days.

"If you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you." 

Brian Andreas

15th March - Sea Mist

Pausing in the middle of these busy days, just to look at the sea and take a photograph; is helping to keep me "safe". As those of you who come here regularly know, I have periods of depression and also find it difficult to be around other people too much. So just breathing in the sea air and being the only person standing looking out to sea on a grey day...these things are topping up my dwindling levels of "calm", as these very very busy days go by.

16th March - An inspiring woman speaker at the bedroom tax demonstration

Another way I keep "sane" is by finding like minded people and taking action about things I feel strongly about. I decided to get out demonstrating against this nasty "bedroom tax" last weekend. I did some shouting and some marching, whilst Mr Stayingawake entertained our house guests. This speaker was very inspiring. I wish I knew who she was and had recorded her speech.

17th March - Our houseguests like playing games, as does Boss Cat.

This is a very happy time for us. Mr Stayingawake has his twenty-two year old daughter and her boyfriend staying, as we prepare to celebrate his 50th birthday next week. They are here for a month and it is already a challenge for me. I am used to having a quiet place to come home to after very busy days at work. However I think we are all finding our rhythm now. It is good for me to let go of trying to control everything, for once!

18th March - All the way home I was drawn to the sky

Today I was happy that some appointments were cancelled and I could get on with my paperwork. This resulted in a calmer, more sociable me when I got home.

19th March - waiting for my lift home, the rain has set in for the night.

Not sure about these mood swings! They are a bit like the weather around here just now, frequently changeable. What a tired and grouchy person I was this evening.

20th March - Everyday at work I make a to do list - everyday it just gets longer! It will never look like this!

I'm afraid as the week goes on I am feeling more and more out of control!

21st March - Riding the ice-cold wind.

Like the seagull here, I have resolved just to ride the wind and accept that at the moment I have little control over anything at all. It is very revealing, just how set in my ways I actually am. Even as I think that I am much more free and less afraid than I used to be, a challenge shows me that nothing much has really changed. I welcome the chance to learn again.