Expanding The Circle Of Compassion - #Mindful52

In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion. 

- machik labdron (via Pema Chodron)

Week 16 of Mindful52 and Heather reminded us of one central lesson of life, compassion. She also shared a really useful tool to help us in our practice, from ZenHabits.

Heather's post prompted me to return to one of the tools I was working with at the beginning of the year.

Revisiting Pema Chodron's book, and reflecting on my compassion practice through Heather's prompt, has really helped me lift myself out of the stuckness I've been in lately. It's been evident here in my blog, as well as in my life, that I've gotten stuck in particular stories about myself. I started to beat myself up a little about how much I was sharing of myself here and just how readers might perceive me; maybe as a little selfish or too inward looking. I lost sight of the fact that this is my space and simply here for me to sort out all the fragments from these boxes of old stories. Here I am throwing out some old worn out stuff, and trying to put what is useful back together again. Maybe I got stuck in staring a little too long into the corners, but perhaps that is inevitable, probably because it is the first time I have opened these particular boxes and really looked at how I got to where I am now. 

Whilst trying not to identify too much with these stories, it is difficult not to be sucked in again and again, in new and more complex ways. I am constantly working on this, as are so many of us. This is our life's work. I am doing the work, really, it's just that sometimes you really need to take a rest.

So whilst reading about compassion and consciously practicing over the past two weeks, I was so grateful when a post on this very topic by Bindu Wiles  showed up in my twitter feed. I read her words with relief as it really helped me to sort out this old story I have about myself as a selfish person and this other story I have about myself as a compassionate person. I fished out these short sentences of her's below, but I really recommend reading her post for yourselves.

Understand compassion. It begins with compassion TOWARDS YOU and then naturally extends outward. - Bindu Wiles

OF COURSE IT DOES! DOH!

Back to my old lessons.

Pink Trumpet Daffodil - April 2011
 

"Let the flower of compassion blossom in the rich soil of maitri, and water it with the good water of equanimity in the cool, refreshing shade of joy."

- longchenpa

(The Four Limitless Qualities via Pema Chodron)

Pema Chodron likens our work to the tending of a garden. Thinking a little more about how I do this tending work, I found a video on TEDtalks, where Robert Thurman speaks about expanding the circle of compassion. It's an amazing talk and really worth a listen. I then quickly moved on to watch another two brilliant people giving talks on other aspects of compassion. It's addictive! Be thankful I am not going to link to them now or write much more today! ;)

Anyway, back to how we might tend our garden.

Robert Thurman starts his talk by quoting Einstein:  

"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."   ~Albert Einstein

He ends his talk with his own words:

" So. practice compassion, read the charter, disemminate it and develop it within yourself. Don't just think, oh well, I'm compassionate, or I'm not compassionate, and sort of think you're stuck there. You can develop this. You can diminish the non-compassion, the cruelty, the callousness, the neglect of others." - Robert Thurman

What I want to remind myself from all of this initial reading and reflecting, is that for some people the work is about expanding the circle, for others the work is in those very first few circles, or in this one here or that one there. It isn't simply about expanding the circle, but at looking at where you find it easy to feel compassion and where it is more difficult for you as an individual. Sometimes for example it feels easier to feel compassion for those far away than for people close to you. Sometimes it can feel that some beings are more deserving of our compassion than are others. The work involves "attending to our own demons" and practicing the four limitless qualities.

As Pema Chodron states: 

" The aspiration practices of the four qualities are training in not holding back, training in seeing our biases and not feeding them. Gradually, we will get the hang of going beyond our fear of feeling pain."- Pema Chodron 

I found myself doing the compassionate aspirations practice, as recommended by Pema below, in the bank last week. It was a real eye-opener on some of my own biases, on my sometimes judgemental and often fearful view of the world. I found I really started to see the ordinary people around me. It was as though all of a sudden all of their colours were richer and more vibrant. It was a very helpful practice and one which I will be repeating: 

" I find it particularly helpful to take the compassionate aspirations into the marketplace. I like to do these practices right in the midst of this paradoxical unpredictable world. In this way I work with my intention but I also begin to act. In traditional terms this is cultivating both the aspiration and the action levels of bodhichitta. Sometimes this is the only way to make this practice feel relevant to the suffering we continually witness. Standing in the checkout line, I might notice the defiant teenager in front of me and make the aspiration, "May he be free of suffering and its causes." In the elevator with a stranger, I might notice her shoes, her hands, the expression on her face, I contemplate the fact that just like me she doesn't want stress in her life. Just like me she has worries. Through our hopes and fears, our pleasures and pains, we are deeply interconnected. I do this sort of thing in all kinds of situations - at the breakfast table, in the meditation hall, at the dentists office. When I practice the aspirations on the spot I no longer feel so separated from others." - Pema Chodron