L is for Lonely. L is for Love.

So I found and deleted the blog that had posts all coming through in Chinese. Looks like something went badly wrong there and the original blog is nowhere to be seen. My blog reader looks a bit clearer now and I can see the blogs l love to read, and new favourites too.

Through one of my new favourites I found some important words about "belonging"; and how language can be used to understand each other, or to "embed fear." These words were from Pádraig Ó Tuama poet, theologian and mediator, whose work I would like to learn more about. Just for today here he is speaking one of his poems, " L is for lonely." 

I've been thinking about how people get to be the people they become. Again. It is a topic that is endlessly fascinating, and sad, and joyful.

Yesterday I was watching "The World According to Kids", unusually for me. Parts of it made me feel a bit uncomfortable, as children cannot fully consent to taking part in a TV documentary can they? Anyway, one part which both made me feel uncomfortable and also fascinated me at the same time, was the part where the children at a boxing club were given a group task. They had to agree what to do with a suitcase of "cash"(a very large amount of cash) and had four options. First to tell the police; second to walk away and do nothing; thirdly to give the money to charity; and fourthly to keep the money and split it between them.

There are all sorts of questions that have come up regarding the documentary makers and the choices they have made in giving the scenarios they did to the particular children they did. The children in the boxing club live in an inner city area and appeared to be mainly from minority groups. Another group of children lived in the country, were largely white British and middle class, and attended a pony club. These children were given a different task involving lollies and carrots. 

Needless to say, most of the children at the boxing club, who looked between 8 - 10, after some group discussion, chose to keep the money. None would report the money to the police and although giving it to charity was discussed by some of the children, the preferred option was to keep it. Three or four children chose to walk away and not get involved. These children were rewarded by their club instructors. 

The larger group were filmed feeling very happy with themselves, then very quickly coming down to earth with a bump, as they were lectured by the club instructors on the importance of honesty and trust within the boxing club. The children were mortified, having thought it was a harmless game and quickly started to point the finger at each other...ie., it was his idea. 

One of the children, Jumi, had been a focus for the documentary makers, as he has acknowledged difficulties in being easily influenced by peers. During the task, it was clear he was struggling with knowing what was the right thing to do. He was filmed reflecting on what was happening for him during the task. He said he is aware that he is very easily convinced what is the right thing to do by listening to different friends, and might change his mind several times.

He had been first shown in the documentary, at home with his family, and in particular with his adult brother who was clearly a father figure to Jumi and trying to help him "become more of his own person." At the end of the film, Jumi was shown coming home from school with a Gold Achievement Award that he was desperate to show his older brother knowing how proud his brother would be of him. The award focused on his resilience and his growth in the areas that he was struggling with. 

Seeing the short conversation between Jumi and his brother, I was struck by the importance of that one person who really believes in us, when we are children. His brother is aware of what Jumi needs to learn and believes he can do it. He is gentle when he makes mistakes, and encouraging his little brother in going forward. Something inside me felt a longing for that person in my own childhood, and also a wish that all children had such an amazing mentor as this young man appeared to be.

This week I noticed these words doing the rounds on facebook in Social Work circles: 

I reflect on how, I like many others, are so busy trying to recover and find our own way into adulthood, that we struggle to be that person. When listening to how Pádraig Ó Tuama had overcome a very difficult start in life, particularly adolescence and young adulthood, I wonder how he managed to become the wise person he is today, through all that adversity. I continue to ponder and to work on myself, as I read this astounding poem by him. 

".......it’s a small thing; shaking hands; it happens every day.

Because I heard of one man whose hands haven’t stopped shaking since a market day in Omagh.

Because it takes a second to say hate, but it takes longer, much longer, to be a great leader.
Much, much longer." 

Quote from "Shaking Hands" by Pádraig Ó Tuama